Where to Start

Please tell me what you do, when you are in love, but don't want to get stuck in this place? You want to live where the trees are tall, the people are frequent, and life is occurring. Not the slow desert filled with old fashion people with their old fashion ways and old fashion thoughts and close minded views. I don't want to live here, but I don't want to leave Steve. I don't want to fall into that stereotype either. The girl who stopped everything for a guy. Why can't I have my cake and eat it too?! Of course, I can ask Steve to move with me, in which I have, but circumstances are making things hard right now. We have to wait. I suppose I can do that, but that's often what everyone in this town does. They wait for their way out and never find it. Will I be one of those people?
Am I that stupid girl that chose the boy over my life? Is it so stupid to make that boy your life? What everyone searches for in life is that perfect someone and yet I've found mine. Is it jealousy when you hear people say things like, "How stupid, she fell for a boy", "Her dreams wasted, all over a boy"? They just haven't found love. They don't know what it's like. I hardly know what it's like! I'm learning more and more about it every day. I'm loving every moment of it. I've never felt this involved with someone and still happy to see them every day. I tire of people quickly. I can only handle so much of one person, but with Steve, I can't wait for him to come home. I text him begging he text me back on his free time at work. I text him when I'm on break at work. Every moment in which I'm not involved in doing something, I wish to hear from or see Steve. I feel like an obsessive creep. If Steve didn't live me back, my actions would be restraining order worthy. ... ... ... Dammit Sandra Bullock. It's all about Steve. WHY IS THE NAME STEVE SO RELEVANT TO MY LIFE?! Even writing this, I really want to hit the backspace button so I don't sound like such a obsessive weirdo. I also hate coming back to these kind of posts years from now to read how stupid I must have sounded. I hate when I judge myself.
I'm not deleting this though. This is the writing process. This is the diary process. To look back and see yourself from another time. To allow yourself to feel what you once did no matter how stupid it was.

I just got off the phone with Steve. We've been trying to get a pet together. He wants to get a turtle. I want something fluffy. I really want a kitten. Kittens are dicks unless you raise them AWESOME. Toki was awesome, until he ran away, and Captain IS awesome. I want to name it Galileo Galilei. I notice I've been posting a lot of cat related things such as:




























and here's some gifs I've made recently:

 
So, I'm pretty sure I want a cat.
The only problem is, I have to convince my roommates and Steve. He never seems too excited about the idea when I mention getting a cat. I'm all like:


PLEEEEEEASE
and he kind of acts like:

And I'm like, "Okay I understand."
But really I'm like:

But, as I said, I just got off the phone with Steve. He says it's possible. He says we'd have to talk to Dan first and he gets to name it. BUT I WANT IT TO BE NAMED GALILEO GALILEI DAMMIT!
But I suppose this will take some time to talk it over and such and prepare for a kitty.
Oh, how this blog post has turned... all serious to me whining over getting a cat. This reminds me of that two hour fight I had with my dad when I was seven to get a kitten.
I never did get that cat.

Uneventful Days of Adventure

I hadn't gone to sleep until about 5:30 this morning... erm... yesterday morning. I spent the whole night cleaning the house. It's quite nice now. Still cluttered, but it's all my roommates' stuff that I'm not exactly quite sure what to do with. I'm still not completely done cleaning. What I am done with though is dishes and laundry. Well that's not quite true either. I still have a load in the dryer drying. Ugh... I'm going to have to fold that.
I swore I did all the laundry yesterday, but today, Steve had piles of clothes everywhere. So I decided to cram as much of that in the washer as I possibly could. So it requires numerous hours of drying since it's such a large load. But, I suppose I shall tell you of my day rather than how to do laundry.
Steve woke me up around one in which he has to go to bed. He works overnights at Walmart and then mornings at the radio station. So his bed time is around 1pm. But we got caught up in talking and he really didn't go to sleep till around 4. When Steve sleeps, he sleeps. There's no waking him up. He's just like my little sister, Kylie. He can be laying face down on his phone which is set to full vibrate and ring and it won't wake him up. I try shaking him awake (violently) and he still refuses to get up. It's crazy. So I really didn't get up to doing anything until around 4'oclock. I did continue cleaning, tumbl'd mostly, and did some facebooking. Oh, how my life revolves around the internet. I have tomorrow off as well, but the difference is, I get paid tomorrow. (Squee). My roommate, Steve (not my boyfriend), needs a ride to work at 10 though. So I suppose I should be getting to bed to take him to work.
I'm just so excited about all the things I can buy tomorrow. I can pay off $100 on my credit card, buy some food, and get my neck waxed. Oh how I miss having money. I took a week off to go to Oregon a couple weeks ago and that effected this pay period. So I have a much smaller paycheck than usual, but that's okay. I'll make due. I make $10.15 an hour all next week even though I'm not technically going to be overnights. I am going to receive overnight pay though. I'm so excited. This will definitely make up for the short check this week. I should really make up recipe lists for tomorrow so I can continue baking once again! I think I'll do that right after I'm finished with this and then I'll head to bed.
Someone sent me an anonymous message on Tumblr today that read: I never knew you were super hot! This was right after I changed my profile picture to an actual picture of me. My Tumblr pic is usually of a celebrity, but I finally got a good pic of myself and decided to show it off. I was so flattered, so I made this gif.

 

Oh Stop it, you!

Oh yes, I'm quite cute. I use that as an excuse to get money at work for the soda machine. "Does anyone have a quarter? I'm cuuuute." I often get that quarter. Maybe it's because they don't mind giving away small change. I like to think it's because I'm actually cute. You can choose whatever you want to believe.
So, I think I'm going to be doing a giveaway soon. Why? Because I'm bored, would like more followers, and love to give people stuff. I'm not sure quite what I'll be giving away or if it will be worth anything, but I will have great fun in it. Heck, it might be this screw I found here on this table. Meh, maybe not. Dan might need that for something. But, expect a giveaway soon. The only risk people have in entering my giveaway is that I will now have your address so I can hunt you down and stalk you. Which was my initial idea in starting the giveaway in the first place... I MEAN I wouldn't do that. I'm just a normal blogger that doesn't want to watch you sleep at night through your window.
And with that, since I have to wake up early-ish, I shall go to sleep. Perhaps I'll see some of you outside my window.

Happiness

Here it is, almost one in the morning, drinking out of Mike's coffee cup, and doing laundry. My most hated chore. I hate laundry. I love clean clothes, but boy do I hate doing laundry. It's not the washing or drying, it's the folding and putting away. Ugh! So pointless. I'm just going to wear it all over again! I'm currently not wearing underwear or anything under my sweater because I refuse to dirty up any more clothes than I have to while doing laundry.
I have tomorrow and the day after off. I get paid Thursday... finally. I spent my last three dollars on a tip today when Steve took me out to lunch. We're so out of food. Not the house, the house has plenty of food, but Steve and my food. Dan won't refuse us of his food though. I do most of the grocery shopping and usually cook for everyone anyways, so he doesn't mind when I dig into his reserves.  Tonight, I stole some of his beef and made a huge pot of elbow pasta with meatballs and in spaghetti sauce. It was so good. Then Mike brought home a chocolate pie. So BAM! Dessert! I need to get back to baking again. I love baking treats, I just haven't had the time and/or money. Perhaps with this paycheck, I'll dig up a few recipes and try some new things. I follow a few cooking blogs on here, perhaps I'll steal something from there. I get my meals from Simply Recipes and my baking recipes from Sugar Plum Blog. Oh my gosh, I love Sugar Plum Blog. The girl that writes it is so sweet and so creative. I wish I could be more like her.
I wish I had my own place that I could make mine and be able to do these kinds of things without worrying about other people wanting to use the oven or not wanting me to use this or that. It's such a hassle. I'm so afraid to piss off Dan or do something that he doesn't really appreciate. I respect the guy so much. He reminds me much of Mr. Pacheco who is the second closest thing to a father to me besides my own father. I don't look at Dan like he's my dad, but he definitely has a respect level from me that I can't explain.
I'm currently trying to clean the kitchen, do the dishes, and finish up this laundry. I feel like a housewife... except I have a job I have to deal with. Through all my plans and thinkings, I've realized what would probably make me happiest is if I became a housewife. A high class one of course, such as the two story house, white picket fence, drive my kids to soccer practice and bake them all treats, and be a loving wife and mother. That actually sounds really nice. And I can be as lazy as I want (minus all the house chores) and blog all day. I was telling Steve the other day that if I HAD to choose a job (besides being a 3D Digital Animator), I'd be a professional blogger for some company. All day long, I'd blog at work and I'd complain about it and such, and then I'd get off work, come home, get online, and complain about my work on my blog at home. How amazing of a life would that be? To blog all day for a living and then come home so I can blog some more? You can't tell me that's not the perfect life!
The only problem I have with this is that I'm going right back in that hole that all Battle Mountain graduates do. I swore I'd never stick around, I was going to get out of here and do great things. Well, I made it a whole 80 miles to Elko, and I'm not going to college, and I'm not making big things happen. I'm just letting life take me as it wants. What a let down I must be to everyone? But you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life minus infancy. I live in a nice home, I love my job and don't hate going to it every day, I have a loving boyfriend who will do anything to take care of me, I have amazing friends I wouldn't trade for the world. Why would I want to give this all up. I mentioned getting a second job as a waitress or something. I brought this up to my father and he asked, "What about college?"
I do want a degree. I DON'T want to go to college, but unfortunately, that's what you have to do to get a degree apparently. I responded that I didn't have to deal with that until fall, but how am I to afford being a full-time student on a part-time salary? I've been told I'm being moved to full-time, but there's no way I'd be able to be full-time if I was attending classes as a full-time student. I keep asking my dad how he'd feel if I was just a part-time student. He refuses. He says I need to be a full-time student. I brought up the issue of money. If Dad's willing to pay for my schooling, then I'll be a full-time student and only work part-time to support me for food and such. But I can't ask Dad to pay for my college ever since I dropped out of UNR. I wasted $1,008 of that poor man's money NOT counting my apartment, moving costs, gas money, food money, etc that he sent me. I feel like such a terrible person. I can care less that I dropped out, but the fact that I wasted my father's time and money is the only thing that gets to me.
Lots of people have been asking about why I dropped out. Thanks to some big mouths of Battle Mountain with completely false information, everyone thinks I did it over a boy. Boy, are you guys stupid to believe that one. The issue was, I was all set to go to University of Oregon, right? Well we get up there, and since I was accepted late, they informed me that there was NO housing left. They did have these complexes available. We set up to move in to those and were all prepared when we got the paperwork. $3,000 down payment plus the first months rent of $940. HAH! Not in this life time. Not to mention the $60,000 yearly tuition.
I sat back and decided what to do. UNR had accepted me (though I never applied there). I decided to go to UNR... LAST.... MINUTE. I called and was all prepared to go there, but UNR starts 2 weeks before UofO. I was two weeks late and expected to catch up. The track team came through and swept me up. Track consumed about 8 hours of my day with weights, practice, jumping practice, physical therapy, massage therapy, and then icing. And I had a 5 page report due in Anthropology next Thursday plus 2 assignments in math due tomorrow, an 'about me' essay in English, and a 18x24 pastel drawing of a pumpkin for art due Friday? I just got here guys, what do you expect me to do?! So yeah, I dropped out. Go on and hate me. Think what you want about me. I did what I felt was right and I don't regret it in the least.
I actually don't think that college can make you 'smarter'. Yes, it can educate you in specific fields and give you a more thorough idea of things, but you can't experience the world, the people, the things, the emotions through books and classes. That's where people learn. Of course I can go to college and learn the complex molecular structure of an atom and how I can use that to divide space and time making portals so I can experience the world at any point in time with just the flick of a wrist. I'm pretty sure with all the textbooks in the world, all the patience, and all the time, you would NEVER be able to teach me complex things such as that. Some people are just not meant for complexity such as that. There's people out there with minds that think differently and can be more acceptable of those ideas. Not that I don't accept those ideas, but if you put all the information to do so in my brain... I can guarantee I wouldn't know what to do with it. It's just what people are meant to do in life. I'm not meant for that. I'm not meant for quantum physics, I'm not meant for chemistry, I'm not meant for ingenious inventions. I'm meant to be me and express what I want how I want and I know that doesn't involve thousands of pounds of books that I have to cram in my tiny brain space. I just want to live and be me.
Now, reading through that, none of it really made sense. I may have just proved my intelligence in not going to college in that single paragraph there trying to defend that I wasn't dumb. *Le Shrug* Whateva bro! But honestly, why can't I be just as smart as the average person? I guess the average person goes to college? I don't even care anymore. I don't want to go to college. I want to be a lazy housewife, dammit!
Maybe I'll work at Walmart the rest of my life, but I love it there. Isn't that the battle with most peoples' jobs, even ones that have a job because of their four year degree? They hate their jobs. They have no motivation to wake them up each morning and go to work. I'm just happy, why must I need a degree to back me up when I'm already happy? Why am I expected to make vast amounts of money when I'm happy right where I'm at? Today, I learned how to bin items in, count the sales floor items, and I got the hang of a lot of things. I felt really good. I think I'm going to be a really good BIT Team Member. They made my job offer today and as of Friday, I'll be making $10.15 an hour. I've only been working at Walmart for 3 months (as of April 24th) and had two different managers hunt me down and offer me raises. I took the one with more pay. They both said they recognized my hard work and integrity. They wanted me in their departments! I like to think of myself as a hard worker. I realize it's only Walmart, but a jobs a job.
Why sacrifice me being happy with my job for something I might hate entirely?

The Smell of Fresh Boxes in the Backroom

I started my new job today at Walmart. As I said earlier, I already worked at Walmart, but I was transferred to a different department. I had fun today. It wasn't too hard or too crazy. I did a lot more physical work and I'm kind of sore, but I'm sure it will go away after a couple days. Basically, I scanned boxes to count how many items we had in stock for inventory. Then we moved some pallets filled with stuff that loved to topple over on me and then we set up pallets for the truck crew. Setting up the pallets was the main source of energy. When I was counting the items, they'd always take my gemeni (handheld machine) and do things for me on it. I wanted to know how to do it myself though so I could deal with it if I end up in that situation. I suppose I'll learn over time though. Hopefully, with this schedule, it will be more regular. As a cashier, I worked swing-shift, which means they scheduled me whenever they damn well pleased to schedule me. As a BIT Team Member, I should be working from 10pm to 7am every day. So I'm actually thinking about getting a second job. Just hire on as part-time for 4-5 hours a day. That way, I'll have a couple hours after to work to do things I like and I'll be making good money. I want to get a waitressing job so I can get tips, but without a waitressing past, I'm not sure how well that will work out.
I suppose I should just wait and see if my schedule really is going to even out or if I just have high hopes at this point. They're training me on days so I'll be all sorts of prepared for nights, even though they say nights are more relaxed. Maybe I should just bag all of my jobs and get hired on at a mine for $20+ an hour? But who's to say that I'll like my job out there? That's the risk. I know I'll love being a waitress. Even though you get dicks every now and then, how more different can it be than cashiering via dealing with the customers? Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. I can at least try it out, right?
If all else fails, I can just rely on Steve to support me, right?

Who I am

Here is a slight introduction of myself. Let me share with you a bit about who I am or at least as much as I can share with you. You see, I don't even know who I am yet. I'm still growing up, I'm still making mistakes, and I'm still finding my place. To tell you "who I am" when I don't even know who I am would be nothing less than a lie, but I can share with you who I think I am and what I do know about myself.
My name is Mackenzie Dunn. I grew up in a small town in Northern Nevada called Battle Mountain. No, I don't really know what Vegas is like. Yes, I have seen snow. Yes, practically any store is also a casino. Yes, you can buy liquor and alcohol at any time on any day. I'm 19 years old (or so I'm told). My birthday is November 24, 1991. I now live in Elko, Nevada. I work for Walmart as a cashier. Until tomorrow that is. I'm being trained to become an overnight BIT team member. It's a $1.50 raise and the same schedule as my boyfriend (who also works at Walmart). They're also pushing to make me a full-time employee so I can get a full 40 hours every week.
I live with my boyfriend in which we share a house with four other people. These people include Dan (the homeowner), Mike, Steve, and Brandy. My boyfriend's name is Steve as well. So there's two Steves within the household and things become a bit confusing. If you've ever seen Mystery Science Theater 3000, there's an episode called Night of the Blood Beast. In the episode, it appears as if everyone is named Steve. And of course the guys pick up on this and start cracking jokes how everyone is apparently named Steve. I feel this is my life. For not only am I dating a Steve and living with a Steve, but my mother married a man by the name of Steve Stevens (no, this is not a joke), and I run a blog on the great Steve Libby. Everyone is named Steve. Dan also allowed me to bring Maggie, my dog. Which is nice because since I got Maggie at 13, we haven't really been separated. Even when I spent that short time in college, I brought my dog along with me.
Now, of course, this was just the technical information of who I am. I'm sure I'll get more into it the deeper I get into my writing. I'll share my past, ideals, future, and hopes with you. I can see it already. I'm really not one to hold back. No matter what I say, this is my personal blog. I will not hide the truth from myself.
Recently some writing on my person Tumblog got me into trouble, but I don't see how it should have. I complained about my ex-boyfriend (when he was still my current). After we broke up, he ran into the things I had said about him. He didn't mind so much, but one of his best friends came firing up my ass about how I should never write those things about someone for the world to see. How "fucked up it is" to write meanful things about someone. Excuse me, may I welcome you to the internet? Would you like me to pull up your facebook and see what you shared with people you know compared to my followers on Tumblr in which I've met 4 of them and that's BECAUSE of Tumblr? But yes, this is a story for another time.
I hope who I am or who I am becoming doesn't frighten you as the reader. I hope I seem interesting to other people. For now, I suppose I shall just wait and find out.

Upon a Midnight Morning Introduction

Here I sit, at 1 am, on a bed with only my laptop illuminating the room as well as the clock which puts up a cold front of 1:28 am. The only sounds I hear are the thick snores of my dog and my boyfriend meshing together to make a monstrous consistent growl that hums throughout the house.
I'm sitting here thinking to myself on how to explain my actions of this blog to you. Sleep deprivation causes my thoughts to escape me, but I think I can bring them together before I decided to lose consciousness and finally fall asleep. I've decided to start a personal blog. One in which I can use as a public diary. People often warn you against doing such things and tell you to keep your life to yourself, but what's a life if you can't share it?
Here, you will find my personal thoughts and feelings (or at least the ones I'm not afraid to share) from my day to day life. I can't tell you how often I'm going to update this, nor if I will continue it for some time, but I hope to keep at it. I hope you like what I write as well. I do take my time to construct how I want this delivered to you.
As of right now, this is just an introduction to my blog and me starting what I hope will be a stress reliever and self entertainment. I'm too tired to continue on about things you probably don't find too interesting at the time being. For one; you hardly know who I am, but don't you worry. That will all change in due time.
As for now, I think I will let my sleepy claws grasp at me and drag me to the depths of sleep. I apologize for the craziness that seems to be going on in this single post. I promise to clear things up soon.