Happiness

Here it is, almost one in the morning, drinking out of Mike's coffee cup, and doing laundry. My most hated chore. I hate laundry. I love clean clothes, but boy do I hate doing laundry. It's not the washing or drying, it's the folding and putting away. Ugh! So pointless. I'm just going to wear it all over again! I'm currently not wearing underwear or anything under my sweater because I refuse to dirty up any more clothes than I have to while doing laundry.
I have tomorrow and the day after off. I get paid Thursday... finally. I spent my last three dollars on a tip today when Steve took me out to lunch. We're so out of food. Not the house, the house has plenty of food, but Steve and my food. Dan won't refuse us of his food though. I do most of the grocery shopping and usually cook for everyone anyways, so he doesn't mind when I dig into his reserves.  Tonight, I stole some of his beef and made a huge pot of elbow pasta with meatballs and in spaghetti sauce. It was so good. Then Mike brought home a chocolate pie. So BAM! Dessert! I need to get back to baking again. I love baking treats, I just haven't had the time and/or money. Perhaps with this paycheck, I'll dig up a few recipes and try some new things. I follow a few cooking blogs on here, perhaps I'll steal something from there. I get my meals from Simply Recipes and my baking recipes from Sugar Plum Blog. Oh my gosh, I love Sugar Plum Blog. The girl that writes it is so sweet and so creative. I wish I could be more like her.
I wish I had my own place that I could make mine and be able to do these kinds of things without worrying about other people wanting to use the oven or not wanting me to use this or that. It's such a hassle. I'm so afraid to piss off Dan or do something that he doesn't really appreciate. I respect the guy so much. He reminds me much of Mr. Pacheco who is the second closest thing to a father to me besides my own father. I don't look at Dan like he's my dad, but he definitely has a respect level from me that I can't explain.
I'm currently trying to clean the kitchen, do the dishes, and finish up this laundry. I feel like a housewife... except I have a job I have to deal with. Through all my plans and thinkings, I've realized what would probably make me happiest is if I became a housewife. A high class one of course, such as the two story house, white picket fence, drive my kids to soccer practice and bake them all treats, and be a loving wife and mother. That actually sounds really nice. And I can be as lazy as I want (minus all the house chores) and blog all day. I was telling Steve the other day that if I HAD to choose a job (besides being a 3D Digital Animator), I'd be a professional blogger for some company. All day long, I'd blog at work and I'd complain about it and such, and then I'd get off work, come home, get online, and complain about my work on my blog at home. How amazing of a life would that be? To blog all day for a living and then come home so I can blog some more? You can't tell me that's not the perfect life!
The only problem I have with this is that I'm going right back in that hole that all Battle Mountain graduates do. I swore I'd never stick around, I was going to get out of here and do great things. Well, I made it a whole 80 miles to Elko, and I'm not going to college, and I'm not making big things happen. I'm just letting life take me as it wants. What a let down I must be to everyone? But you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life minus infancy. I live in a nice home, I love my job and don't hate going to it every day, I have a loving boyfriend who will do anything to take care of me, I have amazing friends I wouldn't trade for the world. Why would I want to give this all up. I mentioned getting a second job as a waitress or something. I brought this up to my father and he asked, "What about college?"
I do want a degree. I DON'T want to go to college, but unfortunately, that's what you have to do to get a degree apparently. I responded that I didn't have to deal with that until fall, but how am I to afford being a full-time student on a part-time salary? I've been told I'm being moved to full-time, but there's no way I'd be able to be full-time if I was attending classes as a full-time student. I keep asking my dad how he'd feel if I was just a part-time student. He refuses. He says I need to be a full-time student. I brought up the issue of money. If Dad's willing to pay for my schooling, then I'll be a full-time student and only work part-time to support me for food and such. But I can't ask Dad to pay for my college ever since I dropped out of UNR. I wasted $1,008 of that poor man's money NOT counting my apartment, moving costs, gas money, food money, etc that he sent me. I feel like such a terrible person. I can care less that I dropped out, but the fact that I wasted my father's time and money is the only thing that gets to me.
Lots of people have been asking about why I dropped out. Thanks to some big mouths of Battle Mountain with completely false information, everyone thinks I did it over a boy. Boy, are you guys stupid to believe that one. The issue was, I was all set to go to University of Oregon, right? Well we get up there, and since I was accepted late, they informed me that there was NO housing left. They did have these complexes available. We set up to move in to those and were all prepared when we got the paperwork. $3,000 down payment plus the first months rent of $940. HAH! Not in this life time. Not to mention the $60,000 yearly tuition.
I sat back and decided what to do. UNR had accepted me (though I never applied there). I decided to go to UNR... LAST.... MINUTE. I called and was all prepared to go there, but UNR starts 2 weeks before UofO. I was two weeks late and expected to catch up. The track team came through and swept me up. Track consumed about 8 hours of my day with weights, practice, jumping practice, physical therapy, massage therapy, and then icing. And I had a 5 page report due in Anthropology next Thursday plus 2 assignments in math due tomorrow, an 'about me' essay in English, and a 18x24 pastel drawing of a pumpkin for art due Friday? I just got here guys, what do you expect me to do?! So yeah, I dropped out. Go on and hate me. Think what you want about me. I did what I felt was right and I don't regret it in the least.
I actually don't think that college can make you 'smarter'. Yes, it can educate you in specific fields and give you a more thorough idea of things, but you can't experience the world, the people, the things, the emotions through books and classes. That's where people learn. Of course I can go to college and learn the complex molecular structure of an atom and how I can use that to divide space and time making portals so I can experience the world at any point in time with just the flick of a wrist. I'm pretty sure with all the textbooks in the world, all the patience, and all the time, you would NEVER be able to teach me complex things such as that. Some people are just not meant for complexity such as that. There's people out there with minds that think differently and can be more acceptable of those ideas. Not that I don't accept those ideas, but if you put all the information to do so in my brain... I can guarantee I wouldn't know what to do with it. It's just what people are meant to do in life. I'm not meant for that. I'm not meant for quantum physics, I'm not meant for chemistry, I'm not meant for ingenious inventions. I'm meant to be me and express what I want how I want and I know that doesn't involve thousands of pounds of books that I have to cram in my tiny brain space. I just want to live and be me.
Now, reading through that, none of it really made sense. I may have just proved my intelligence in not going to college in that single paragraph there trying to defend that I wasn't dumb. *Le Shrug* Whateva bro! But honestly, why can't I be just as smart as the average person? I guess the average person goes to college? I don't even care anymore. I don't want to go to college. I want to be a lazy housewife, dammit!
Maybe I'll work at Walmart the rest of my life, but I love it there. Isn't that the battle with most peoples' jobs, even ones that have a job because of their four year degree? They hate their jobs. They have no motivation to wake them up each morning and go to work. I'm just happy, why must I need a degree to back me up when I'm already happy? Why am I expected to make vast amounts of money when I'm happy right where I'm at? Today, I learned how to bin items in, count the sales floor items, and I got the hang of a lot of things. I felt really good. I think I'm going to be a really good BIT Team Member. They made my job offer today and as of Friday, I'll be making $10.15 an hour. I've only been working at Walmart for 3 months (as of April 24th) and had two different managers hunt me down and offer me raises. I took the one with more pay. They both said they recognized my hard work and integrity. They wanted me in their departments! I like to think of myself as a hard worker. I realize it's only Walmart, but a jobs a job.
Why sacrifice me being happy with my job for something I might hate entirely?