I find it quite hilarious how the last sentence of my last post says, "See how my life can change in a single week?" It's been almost 5 months since my last post. I feel as if all of those things just happened yesterday. Time with Steve seems to stop entirely, yet when I take a chance to smell the roses, months have flown by. Nothing is the same. How about I start with Disneyland.
Disneyland was great fun. I finally got to meet Keegan. He's a great guy. We didn't get to hang out much because he had to go to work, but we did chat for a little bit. I met up with Jenna and we just did the Disney thing. It was Jenna's birthday, which is funny because the last time I went to Disneyland, Jenna came and it was my birthday. Of course it was fun. Steve's mom and sister were growing tired however and they sat down. They wanted to go on the Star Wars ride with us though, since it was revamped. That line was probably about two hours. It wasn't a huge problem for us though. When you're surrounded by great conversationalists, the time you have on your hands can be entertaining. Finally we got to the ride and one of the Storm Troopers realized it was Jenna's birthday. He asked to take a photo of her. A blurred photo of me and her came out. We then entered the ride and it was really just as I remembered it. I didn't quite actually see what the difference was. They were looking for a rebel spy on the ride and they scanned the occupancy. It zoomed in on Mary, Steve's mom and threw up an alarm claiming she was the rebel spy. Finally the ride ended and I was trying to exit the vehicle. Steve was insanely trying to get my attention as I fiddled with my seat belt and I looked up to see what he was going crazy over.
In his hand he held out a box that contained a diamond ring. "We can has forever time now?"
Time stopped. All the noise and business blurred around me and my eyes focused on the ring to make sure that's really what he was holding. I looked up at his eyes which were locked on mine. I could see the fear and love radiating from the look he was giving me. My mouth trembled and all I could do was nod. I kissed him allowing him to place the ring on my finger. Jenna was trying to get us moving and she realized what had just happened as her jaw drops and she says, "Oh my god."
This pulled me out of my daze and I realized we had to exit the ride. The rest of the trip was really just a blur. I don't remember too much. I was so in shock.
The ring didn't fit however, and we had to get it resized the next day. We went everywhere and finally found a place in a mall.
So I've been engaged for about 3 months now. Or it will be 3 months in two days.
Wedding planning is annoying. I don't know what happens at a wedding, I don't know customs, I don't know anyone who can really help me, and I can't afford one. Weddings on average cost $20,000. Yeah... no. I'm not spending that much on a wedding. I'm considering $5000. However, Steve and I would like to put a down payment on a house. Why am I pumping out $5000 for a wedding when it can go toward a down payment on a house? I'm trying to find the cheapest way to have a basic formal wedding, and it is just not working out. Every place I check costs a minimum of $5000. Perhaps I will just have to rent out a civic center or something.
Another twist to this. So, I was put back on a full-time schedule. Why? Because my co-manager, Chris, absolutely loves me. He says I'm one of the hardest workers he's ever seen. He hasn't seen anyone work like me since he was at my level. I was slowly taking control of that back room. Mandy had to be reassigned because she started dating our new ZS, who was a total douchebag. Eric was transferred to Reno. So guess who worked the whole backroom on Tuesdays and Wednesdays all by myself? Oh yeah, that was me. The work was becoming overbearing and tiring. Chris gave me a lot of power and he gave me a lot of breaks since I was working my ass off and I was the only one to do this job of 5 people. Inventory was around the corner and I was becoming completely stressed. I begged Steve that we had to do something. I was inches away from throwing my badge at my bosses and quitting on the spot even though they treated me so well.
Then Steve and I went on a mini vacation to return Kylie to Oregon after visiting Dad for a short time. We visited the Woodburn Walmart to see how things were operated there. Steve really liked it and said it was about time for a new Walmart. We talked to them, but didn't get really into it thinking it would never happen.
September 5th, Steve put in his transfer just to see. September 9th, they called us and said they needed us there by September 12th. Steve and I looked at each other and he asked me if I wanted to do this. I flat out said yes, so tired of my job and the demanding time I've been putting in. My mother and grandmother had promised us a place to stay, rent free. We could just work and save money for our wedding and down payment. We saw no loss in this.
In a single day, we packed all of our bags and belongings and moved to Oregon.
What a mistake I made.
When we got here, Grandma discussed a rate of $400 a month with me. We took a 75 cent pay-cut. We don't get hardly as many hours. Steve's car insurance went up. From every corner, we were getting punched in the gut. I began to bitch about the price my grandma was charging me for rent on facebook. I realize it is a huge thing to ask to receive free rent and I believe in paying for a place to live, however... I was promised free rent or I wouldn't have moved. We were paying $400 in Nevada and making more money under more hours. It would have been pointless for us to move if we were to pay the same rent.
Finally Grandma felt bad enough and she lifted the rent completely. I was expecting her to lower it, but no. We are now rent free. Of course we help out, clean, buy dinner every now and then, allow them to drive our cars, but the main portion of the rent is gone. Steve also lowered his car insurance by 15% or more by switching to Geiko. Lol no... seriously. And Steve is looking to get a promotion. They've offered three to him so far. Of course he has to interview for them.
So maybe things will look up. Living with family is absolutely crazy, but hopefully we won't have to wait for very long.
Amanda is approaching her due date and I'm not sure what Steve is planning to do. He filled all the paperwork to have a LOA to go there for the birth, but the day we left... Walmart informed Steve that Amanda went into a false labor. She was home now and Walmart didn't know anything else. He called and called and called and texted and texted and texted her, but she never responded. Finally a couple days later she texted back saying her phone wasn't working. Steve was pissed. He said that if she didn't want to inform him about something important as this, then he has no right in that baby's life. They were talking before all of this happened and she doesn't want to collect child support from him (so she says) and she's planning on moving back to Wisconsin. So Steve won't be able to see the baby, or at least easily. That's not why she's moving back, but it does bring up this problem. I'm over here singing to Jesus so we don't have to deal with her or the baby, but then I also realize that Steve may have a child that he will have nothing to do with. And that's just not right. How am I supposed to feel about this? For selfish reasons, I'm so happy. Because I love Steve and would do anything for him... I can't even express my depression I feel for his situation. I keep nit-picking at Steve's pass and I try to stop myself, but it's so hard.
I never associated myself with those who continually smoked pot, or did illegal things, or gained themselves a negative title. Steve has every title under the book, but no longer applies to them. However, they still bother me. I did successfully get him to stop smoking. He doesn't do anything in which he used to, but I still have a hard time getting past it. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just deal with these things? It worries me, because a week before we started dating... he'd probably have sex with 4-5 different women... in that single week. Now he's choosing just me to be with. Am I enough for him? Does he ever want more? Why was he such a whore? What if I slowly start to slow down? People grow older and more accustomed to each other. I'm no longer trying to impress him. Should I keep trying to impress him? I mean, I don't just let myself go, but I'm not putting that extra OOMPH into things.
I'm always worried. He's the first man I've ever been concerned of leaving me. All my prior boyfriends, if they left... it wouldn't be a big deal. I never got heartbroken or went into a depression over a boy. If Steve ever left me, I'd shatter as a person. How would I ever be able to collect all the pieces?
Steve once warned me that I should never break up with him for just a couple hours, because he'd probably have sex with someone in that time. How can he say that to me? Have I really not made such an impact on his life that if I ever broke up with him, his heart wouldn't be completely shattered? He wouldn't want anyone or anything to see him for days? That's how I would feel. But I suppose he is a man and when he's not having sex with someone he loves, it's just sex to fulfill a "need". Needless to say, him telling me that almost made me cry on the spot.
I really obsess too much over him and it honestly scares me. I've never relied so much on a single being. Especially one that is so fragile to my life and can break off easily leaving me stranded alone. At least with family, there's legal precautions that must be taken to abandon me entirely. With Steve, he can just get up and go and I can never see him again. Thinking of that scares the crap out of me.
But he won't leave me, I just always think of the worst case scenario in my head to every scenario. Mainly because the luck that my father and I have... it generally happens. But Steve won't just get up and leave. He says we're stuck together forever. Which is fine by me. Once we get married and a house, we're going to try and have a baby. I've visited the doctors and they've given me medication to cause my cycle to regulate and to cause me to ovulate. My chances of having a child are still low. But with a little luck and some medical help, perhaps I can pull this off.
So... my life... in a nutshell... There's so many things I left out. But I mean... it's been almost 5 months! Bear with me. I'm going to try and keep this updated more. Mostly to relieve the stress of wedding planning.
I have an appointment Tuesday morning with Bridal Lakes to see if it's a venue I'd like or not. It's cheap, but it's outdoors. My wedding is going to be in October. It may be too cold. We'll figure things out Tuesday though.
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