Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Fall Leaves
After two and half days of doing nothing but sobbing my eyes out into Steve's chest, who passes me off to my mother's chest to cry into while he goes to work, who passes me back to Steve's chest when he gets home, I've finally calmed down. I still have no answers. Amanda's not really being that cooperative until Steve gets a paternity test. Throughout all of this cry, I became really really sick. I was already sick to begin with having puss pockets in the base of my throat, but it enhanced with all the sobbing I was doing and not to mention the heavy lifting at work.
The day before Amanda's baby was born, I was kind of sick, but brushed it off. I had to lift this extremely heavy box into a bin. My co-worker and I tried to do a "Team Lift" on it and it was even too heavy for the both of us. So we ended up getting a cart and shoving it off the pallet onto the cart. We took the cart near the spot we needed to shove it into and tried to lift it again. It was so heavy we couldn't get it up. Our boss walked by and I yelled over to her for some help to at least hold the cart. She held the cart and we lifted the box. The box almost fell on her and I caught it with my arm. I think that's where the most pain began. My co-worker and I lifted it slightly and got it into its bin. Our boss had to throw the cart aside and helped us push the box into the bin. Afterward, I was so sore and tired. Then the night Amanda's baby was born and I was already weak from sobbing all night and all the way to work, the moment I get to work, this guy asks me to bring him a pallet with GV Purified Gallon Water. There are 56 boxes of 6 one gallon bottles on this pallet. I began to pull it with a pallet jack and a co-worker rushed over to push it and we had to push it from one side of walmart, to the other. I grew winded and weak while pulling it over there and we finally reached our destination. I dropped it off and went back to the backroom where I was then asked to bin housewares. Such as Vacuums, dish sets, and microwaves. The night probably couldn't get any slower especially with the amount of pain surging through every muscle of my body. Also, the moment people left me alone in the backroom, I began to sob heavily. It was probably the worst night of my life.
I came home in the morning and found I was entirely alone. For once, the house was completely empty, and I needed someone with me. I began to sob wholeheartedly into my sleeve and was desperately texting my mother for help. She asked her boss to come home and she rushed home to me. I couldn't do anything for hours except pour tears into her chest. I also complained about the pain throughout my whole body and the soreness of my throat. She decided we should call the doctor in which she did. We had to call Grandma to find the name of my doctor because he used to be my uncle Bruce's doctor, so she knew. She began to mention Amanda's baby and what we're planning on doing. She couldn't understand my response because it was nothing but a growing blubbering of jibberish coming out in sobs. She knew she took a wrong step and was trying to calm me, but it was already too late. Mom took the phone away and spoke to grandma about a muscle relaxer. Mom gave me this pill and told me it was to help me relax. I passed out.
I woke up with mom taking me to the hospital for my doctor's appointment she set up while I was falling asleep. We got there and they tested me for strep in which I did not have. They just assumed it was a virus and I needed to take ibuprofen and lots of rest. The doctor then prescribed me to stay home from work that night and take the next few days off which those days were my days off. But I feel terrible because I took a day off, then I take my two days off, and then I return Thursday night and I get transferred Friday.
Probably really pissed them off. Oh well, I won't see them for a while now though.
Today I didn't do anything, but just rest and hang out with mom. She stayed home with me to make sure I was okay for the whole day. Then when Steve came home, he took me to Michael's because they're having a 20% to 60% off sale on all Halloween things! So we spent some good money and I bought some baskets for the wedding next year! Here it is. I'm also going to have the flower girl throw fall leaves rather than flowers. Perhaps there will be a couple flowers in there, but the main thing will be fall leaves. These are also going to be the colors for the wedding.
I've yet to decide who the flower girl should be. I don't know any young girls really. My FRIEND, Amanda, her baby will be almost 2 by the time of the wedding, but is 2 old enough to walk and comprehend throwing flowers? I don't know. I'll ask around some more. For the ring bearer, Steve offered Maggie. Which I found hilarious and thought he was joking, but he was serious. I'm still thinking that over as well. I offered his nephew. Adrian's son. Steve said he didn't even think of that. So that's something to consider too. But I don't want Adrian's other son, Jordan, to feel left out. So I might make him a Jr. Groomsman/Usher. Sounds good to me. I will make him something.
Steve gets so tired and with us on different schedules, we don't get to hang out that much. So when he insists on hanging out with me, this is generally what happens:
The poor boy is always so tired. I wish he wasn't always passing out on me. I wish we could actually hang out. My life has been just up and down so much. I can't even keep up with it. I wish I could just get a good long week long nap.
I don't know how I'm going to catch up or get ahead. I assume eventually we'll get back on track and everything will be okay for a while.
The day before Amanda's baby was born, I was kind of sick, but brushed it off. I had to lift this extremely heavy box into a bin. My co-worker and I tried to do a "Team Lift" on it and it was even too heavy for the both of us. So we ended up getting a cart and shoving it off the pallet onto the cart. We took the cart near the spot we needed to shove it into and tried to lift it again. It was so heavy we couldn't get it up. Our boss walked by and I yelled over to her for some help to at least hold the cart. She held the cart and we lifted the box. The box almost fell on her and I caught it with my arm. I think that's where the most pain began. My co-worker and I lifted it slightly and got it into its bin. Our boss had to throw the cart aside and helped us push the box into the bin. Afterward, I was so sore and tired. Then the night Amanda's baby was born and I was already weak from sobbing all night and all the way to work, the moment I get to work, this guy asks me to bring him a pallet with GV Purified Gallon Water. There are 56 boxes of 6 one gallon bottles on this pallet. I began to pull it with a pallet jack and a co-worker rushed over to push it and we had to push it from one side of walmart, to the other. I grew winded and weak while pulling it over there and we finally reached our destination. I dropped it off and went back to the backroom where I was then asked to bin housewares. Such as Vacuums, dish sets, and microwaves. The night probably couldn't get any slower especially with the amount of pain surging through every muscle of my body. Also, the moment people left me alone in the backroom, I began to sob heavily. It was probably the worst night of my life.
I came home in the morning and found I was entirely alone. For once, the house was completely empty, and I needed someone with me. I began to sob wholeheartedly into my sleeve and was desperately texting my mother for help. She asked her boss to come home and she rushed home to me. I couldn't do anything for hours except pour tears into her chest. I also complained about the pain throughout my whole body and the soreness of my throat. She decided we should call the doctor in which she did. We had to call Grandma to find the name of my doctor because he used to be my uncle Bruce's doctor, so she knew. She began to mention Amanda's baby and what we're planning on doing. She couldn't understand my response because it was nothing but a growing blubbering of jibberish coming out in sobs. She knew she took a wrong step and was trying to calm me, but it was already too late. Mom took the phone away and spoke to grandma about a muscle relaxer. Mom gave me this pill and told me it was to help me relax. I passed out.
I woke up with mom taking me to the hospital for my doctor's appointment she set up while I was falling asleep. We got there and they tested me for strep in which I did not have. They just assumed it was a virus and I needed to take ibuprofen and lots of rest. The doctor then prescribed me to stay home from work that night and take the next few days off which those days were my days off. But I feel terrible because I took a day off, then I take my two days off, and then I return Thursday night and I get transferred Friday.
Probably really pissed them off. Oh well, I won't see them for a while now though.
Today I didn't do anything, but just rest and hang out with mom. She stayed home with me to make sure I was okay for the whole day. Then when Steve came home, he took me to Michael's because they're having a 20% to 60% off sale on all Halloween things! So we spent some good money and I bought some baskets for the wedding next year! Here it is. I'm also going to have the flower girl throw fall leaves rather than flowers. Perhaps there will be a couple flowers in there, but the main thing will be fall leaves. These are also going to be the colors for the wedding.
Steve gets so tired and with us on different schedules, we don't get to hang out that much. So when he insists on hanging out with me, this is generally what happens:
The poor boy is always so tired. I wish he wasn't always passing out on me. I wish we could actually hang out. My life has been just up and down so much. I can't even keep up with it. I wish I could just get a good long week long nap.
I don't know how I'm going to catch up or get ahead. I assume eventually we'll get back on track and everything will be okay for a while.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Amanda's baby was born today. She sent a photo. I swear it's Mexican. I hate her so much right now and I really shouldn't. My main concern is that no one is telling me what's going to happen! Am I going to be a step-mom? Are we going to have to pay child support? Is steve going to get visitation? Do we continually have to see this woman for the rest of our lives? Is she still in love with steve?
But no one
Will give me
A fucking
Answer...
TO ANY OF THOSE QUESTIONS!
And of you ask me, some of them aren't unreasonable! I deserve to know!
I'm so achey from work yesterday cause I worked my ass off and I'm so achey from crying all night and them this guy at work is like,"hey, you should pull 325 FUCKING GALLONS OF WATER from one end of the store to another for me! Kthxbai!"
I wanna go home. I'm on break. Gotta go back though. Fuck my life.
But no one
Will give me
A fucking
Answer...
TO ANY OF THOSE QUESTIONS!
And of you ask me, some of them aren't unreasonable! I deserve to know!
I'm so achey from work yesterday cause I worked my ass off and I'm so achey from crying all night and them this guy at work is like,"hey, you should pull 325 FUCKING GALLONS OF WATER from one end of the store to another for me! Kthxbai!"
I wanna go home. I'm on break. Gotta go back though. Fuck my life.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Not Really All That Smart
I found out today that my last job got $1.50 raise.
Not only did we lose 75 cents an hour in moving here, but now we lost $2.25 an hour moving here.
I do nothing but fight with my Grandma and Mom and Kelsey.
I keep asking myself, what the fuck was I thinking?
Not only did we lose 75 cents an hour in moving here, but now we lost $2.25 an hour moving here.
I do nothing but fight with my Grandma and Mom and Kelsey.
I keep asking myself, what the fuck was I thinking?
Friday, October 7, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
About my life changing in a single week
I find it quite hilarious how the last sentence of my last post says, "See how my life can change in a single week?" It's been almost 5 months since my last post. I feel as if all of those things just happened yesterday. Time with Steve seems to stop entirely, yet when I take a chance to smell the roses, months have flown by. Nothing is the same. How about I start with Disneyland.
Disneyland was great fun. I finally got to meet Keegan. He's a great guy. We didn't get to hang out much because he had to go to work, but we did chat for a little bit. I met up with Jenna and we just did the Disney thing. It was Jenna's birthday, which is funny because the last time I went to Disneyland, Jenna came and it was my birthday. Of course it was fun. Steve's mom and sister were growing tired however and they sat down. They wanted to go on the Star Wars ride with us though, since it was revamped. That line was probably about two hours. It wasn't a huge problem for us though. When you're surrounded by great conversationalists, the time you have on your hands can be entertaining. Finally we got to the ride and one of the Storm Troopers realized it was Jenna's birthday. He asked to take a photo of her. A blurred photo of me and her came out. We then entered the ride and it was really just as I remembered it. I didn't quite actually see what the difference was. They were looking for a rebel spy on the ride and they scanned the occupancy. It zoomed in on Mary, Steve's mom and threw up an alarm claiming she was the rebel spy. Finally the ride ended and I was trying to exit the vehicle. Steve was insanely trying to get my attention as I fiddled with my seat belt and I looked up to see what he was going crazy over.
In his hand he held out a box that contained a diamond ring. "We can has forever time now?"
Time stopped. All the noise and business blurred around me and my eyes focused on the ring to make sure that's really what he was holding. I looked up at his eyes which were locked on mine. I could see the fear and love radiating from the look he was giving me. My mouth trembled and all I could do was nod. I kissed him allowing him to place the ring on my finger. Jenna was trying to get us moving and she realized what had just happened as her jaw drops and she says, "Oh my god."
This pulled me out of my daze and I realized we had to exit the ride. The rest of the trip was really just a blur. I don't remember too much. I was so in shock.
The ring didn't fit however, and we had to get it resized the next day. We went everywhere and finally found a place in a mall.
So I've been engaged for about 3 months now. Or it will be 3 months in two days.
Wedding planning is annoying. I don't know what happens at a wedding, I don't know customs, I don't know anyone who can really help me, and I can't afford one. Weddings on average cost $20,000. Yeah... no. I'm not spending that much on a wedding. I'm considering $5000. However, Steve and I would like to put a down payment on a house. Why am I pumping out $5000 for a wedding when it can go toward a down payment on a house? I'm trying to find the cheapest way to have a basic formal wedding, and it is just not working out. Every place I check costs a minimum of $5000. Perhaps I will just have to rent out a civic center or something.
Another twist to this. So, I was put back on a full-time schedule. Why? Because my co-manager, Chris, absolutely loves me. He says I'm one of the hardest workers he's ever seen. He hasn't seen anyone work like me since he was at my level. I was slowly taking control of that back room. Mandy had to be reassigned because she started dating our new ZS, who was a total douchebag. Eric was transferred to Reno. So guess who worked the whole backroom on Tuesdays and Wednesdays all by myself? Oh yeah, that was me. The work was becoming overbearing and tiring. Chris gave me a lot of power and he gave me a lot of breaks since I was working my ass off and I was the only one to do this job of 5 people. Inventory was around the corner and I was becoming completely stressed. I begged Steve that we had to do something. I was inches away from throwing my badge at my bosses and quitting on the spot even though they treated me so well.
Then Steve and I went on a mini vacation to return Kylie to Oregon after visiting Dad for a short time. We visited the Woodburn Walmart to see how things were operated there. Steve really liked it and said it was about time for a new Walmart. We talked to them, but didn't get really into it thinking it would never happen.
September 5th, Steve put in his transfer just to see. September 9th, they called us and said they needed us there by September 12th. Steve and I looked at each other and he asked me if I wanted to do this. I flat out said yes, so tired of my job and the demanding time I've been putting in. My mother and grandmother had promised us a place to stay, rent free. We could just work and save money for our wedding and down payment. We saw no loss in this.
In a single day, we packed all of our bags and belongings and moved to Oregon.
What a mistake I made.
When we got here, Grandma discussed a rate of $400 a month with me. We took a 75 cent pay-cut. We don't get hardly as many hours. Steve's car insurance went up. From every corner, we were getting punched in the gut. I began to bitch about the price my grandma was charging me for rent on facebook. I realize it is a huge thing to ask to receive free rent and I believe in paying for a place to live, however... I was promised free rent or I wouldn't have moved. We were paying $400 in Nevada and making more money under more hours. It would have been pointless for us to move if we were to pay the same rent.
Finally Grandma felt bad enough and she lifted the rent completely. I was expecting her to lower it, but no. We are now rent free. Of course we help out, clean, buy dinner every now and then, allow them to drive our cars, but the main portion of the rent is gone. Steve also lowered his car insurance by 15% or more by switching to Geiko. Lol no... seriously. And Steve is looking to get a promotion. They've offered three to him so far. Of course he has to interview for them.
So maybe things will look up. Living with family is absolutely crazy, but hopefully we won't have to wait for very long.
Amanda is approaching her due date and I'm not sure what Steve is planning to do. He filled all the paperwork to have a LOA to go there for the birth, but the day we left... Walmart informed Steve that Amanda went into a false labor. She was home now and Walmart didn't know anything else. He called and called and called and texted and texted and texted her, but she never responded. Finally a couple days later she texted back saying her phone wasn't working. Steve was pissed. He said that if she didn't want to inform him about something important as this, then he has no right in that baby's life. They were talking before all of this happened and she doesn't want to collect child support from him (so she says) and she's planning on moving back to Wisconsin. So Steve won't be able to see the baby, or at least easily. That's not why she's moving back, but it does bring up this problem. I'm over here singing to Jesus so we don't have to deal with her or the baby, but then I also realize that Steve may have a child that he will have nothing to do with. And that's just not right. How am I supposed to feel about this? For selfish reasons, I'm so happy. Because I love Steve and would do anything for him... I can't even express my depression I feel for his situation. I keep nit-picking at Steve's pass and I try to stop myself, but it's so hard.
I never associated myself with those who continually smoked pot, or did illegal things, or gained themselves a negative title. Steve has every title under the book, but no longer applies to them. However, they still bother me. I did successfully get him to stop smoking. He doesn't do anything in which he used to, but I still have a hard time getting past it. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just deal with these things? It worries me, because a week before we started dating... he'd probably have sex with 4-5 different women... in that single week. Now he's choosing just me to be with. Am I enough for him? Does he ever want more? Why was he such a whore? What if I slowly start to slow down? People grow older and more accustomed to each other. I'm no longer trying to impress him. Should I keep trying to impress him? I mean, I don't just let myself go, but I'm not putting that extra OOMPH into things.
I'm always worried. He's the first man I've ever been concerned of leaving me. All my prior boyfriends, if they left... it wouldn't be a big deal. I never got heartbroken or went into a depression over a boy. If Steve ever left me, I'd shatter as a person. How would I ever be able to collect all the pieces?
Steve once warned me that I should never break up with him for just a couple hours, because he'd probably have sex with someone in that time. How can he say that to me? Have I really not made such an impact on his life that if I ever broke up with him, his heart wouldn't be completely shattered? He wouldn't want anyone or anything to see him for days? That's how I would feel. But I suppose he is a man and when he's not having sex with someone he loves, it's just sex to fulfill a "need". Needless to say, him telling me that almost made me cry on the spot.
I really obsess too much over him and it honestly scares me. I've never relied so much on a single being. Especially one that is so fragile to my life and can break off easily leaving me stranded alone. At least with family, there's legal precautions that must be taken to abandon me entirely. With Steve, he can just get up and go and I can never see him again. Thinking of that scares the crap out of me.
But he won't leave me, I just always think of the worst case scenario in my head to every scenario. Mainly because the luck that my father and I have... it generally happens. But Steve won't just get up and leave. He says we're stuck together forever. Which is fine by me. Once we get married and a house, we're going to try and have a baby. I've visited the doctors and they've given me medication to cause my cycle to regulate and to cause me to ovulate. My chances of having a child are still low. But with a little luck and some medical help, perhaps I can pull this off.
So... my life... in a nutshell... There's so many things I left out. But I mean... it's been almost 5 months! Bear with me. I'm going to try and keep this updated more. Mostly to relieve the stress of wedding planning.
I have an appointment Tuesday morning with Bridal Lakes to see if it's a venue I'd like or not. It's cheap, but it's outdoors. My wedding is going to be in October. It may be too cold. We'll figure things out Tuesday though.
Disneyland was great fun. I finally got to meet Keegan. He's a great guy. We didn't get to hang out much because he had to go to work, but we did chat for a little bit. I met up with Jenna and we just did the Disney thing. It was Jenna's birthday, which is funny because the last time I went to Disneyland, Jenna came and it was my birthday. Of course it was fun. Steve's mom and sister were growing tired however and they sat down. They wanted to go on the Star Wars ride with us though, since it was revamped. That line was probably about two hours. It wasn't a huge problem for us though. When you're surrounded by great conversationalists, the time you have on your hands can be entertaining. Finally we got to the ride and one of the Storm Troopers realized it was Jenna's birthday. He asked to take a photo of her. A blurred photo of me and her came out. We then entered the ride and it was really just as I remembered it. I didn't quite actually see what the difference was. They were looking for a rebel spy on the ride and they scanned the occupancy. It zoomed in on Mary, Steve's mom and threw up an alarm claiming she was the rebel spy. Finally the ride ended and I was trying to exit the vehicle. Steve was insanely trying to get my attention as I fiddled with my seat belt and I looked up to see what he was going crazy over.
In his hand he held out a box that contained a diamond ring. "We can has forever time now?"
Time stopped. All the noise and business blurred around me and my eyes focused on the ring to make sure that's really what he was holding. I looked up at his eyes which were locked on mine. I could see the fear and love radiating from the look he was giving me. My mouth trembled and all I could do was nod. I kissed him allowing him to place the ring on my finger. Jenna was trying to get us moving and she realized what had just happened as her jaw drops and she says, "Oh my god."
This pulled me out of my daze and I realized we had to exit the ride. The rest of the trip was really just a blur. I don't remember too much. I was so in shock.
The ring didn't fit however, and we had to get it resized the next day. We went everywhere and finally found a place in a mall.
So I've been engaged for about 3 months now. Or it will be 3 months in two days.
Wedding planning is annoying. I don't know what happens at a wedding, I don't know customs, I don't know anyone who can really help me, and I can't afford one. Weddings on average cost $20,000. Yeah... no. I'm not spending that much on a wedding. I'm considering $5000. However, Steve and I would like to put a down payment on a house. Why am I pumping out $5000 for a wedding when it can go toward a down payment on a house? I'm trying to find the cheapest way to have a basic formal wedding, and it is just not working out. Every place I check costs a minimum of $5000. Perhaps I will just have to rent out a civic center or something.
Another twist to this. So, I was put back on a full-time schedule. Why? Because my co-manager, Chris, absolutely loves me. He says I'm one of the hardest workers he's ever seen. He hasn't seen anyone work like me since he was at my level. I was slowly taking control of that back room. Mandy had to be reassigned because she started dating our new ZS, who was a total douchebag. Eric was transferred to Reno. So guess who worked the whole backroom on Tuesdays and Wednesdays all by myself? Oh yeah, that was me. The work was becoming overbearing and tiring. Chris gave me a lot of power and he gave me a lot of breaks since I was working my ass off and I was the only one to do this job of 5 people. Inventory was around the corner and I was becoming completely stressed. I begged Steve that we had to do something. I was inches away from throwing my badge at my bosses and quitting on the spot even though they treated me so well.
Then Steve and I went on a mini vacation to return Kylie to Oregon after visiting Dad for a short time. We visited the Woodburn Walmart to see how things were operated there. Steve really liked it and said it was about time for a new Walmart. We talked to them, but didn't get really into it thinking it would never happen.
September 5th, Steve put in his transfer just to see. September 9th, they called us and said they needed us there by September 12th. Steve and I looked at each other and he asked me if I wanted to do this. I flat out said yes, so tired of my job and the demanding time I've been putting in. My mother and grandmother had promised us a place to stay, rent free. We could just work and save money for our wedding and down payment. We saw no loss in this.
In a single day, we packed all of our bags and belongings and moved to Oregon.
What a mistake I made.
When we got here, Grandma discussed a rate of $400 a month with me. We took a 75 cent pay-cut. We don't get hardly as many hours. Steve's car insurance went up. From every corner, we were getting punched in the gut. I began to bitch about the price my grandma was charging me for rent on facebook. I realize it is a huge thing to ask to receive free rent and I believe in paying for a place to live, however... I was promised free rent or I wouldn't have moved. We were paying $400 in Nevada and making more money under more hours. It would have been pointless for us to move if we were to pay the same rent.
Finally Grandma felt bad enough and she lifted the rent completely. I was expecting her to lower it, but no. We are now rent free. Of course we help out, clean, buy dinner every now and then, allow them to drive our cars, but the main portion of the rent is gone. Steve also lowered his car insurance by 15% or more by switching to Geiko. Lol no... seriously. And Steve is looking to get a promotion. They've offered three to him so far. Of course he has to interview for them.
So maybe things will look up. Living with family is absolutely crazy, but hopefully we won't have to wait for very long.
Amanda is approaching her due date and I'm not sure what Steve is planning to do. He filled all the paperwork to have a LOA to go there for the birth, but the day we left... Walmart informed Steve that Amanda went into a false labor. She was home now and Walmart didn't know anything else. He called and called and called and texted and texted and texted her, but she never responded. Finally a couple days later she texted back saying her phone wasn't working. Steve was pissed. He said that if she didn't want to inform him about something important as this, then he has no right in that baby's life. They were talking before all of this happened and she doesn't want to collect child support from him (so she says) and she's planning on moving back to Wisconsin. So Steve won't be able to see the baby, or at least easily. That's not why she's moving back, but it does bring up this problem. I'm over here singing to Jesus so we don't have to deal with her or the baby, but then I also realize that Steve may have a child that he will have nothing to do with. And that's just not right. How am I supposed to feel about this? For selfish reasons, I'm so happy. Because I love Steve and would do anything for him... I can't even express my depression I feel for his situation. I keep nit-picking at Steve's pass and I try to stop myself, but it's so hard.
I never associated myself with those who continually smoked pot, or did illegal things, or gained themselves a negative title. Steve has every title under the book, but no longer applies to them. However, they still bother me. I did successfully get him to stop smoking. He doesn't do anything in which he used to, but I still have a hard time getting past it. What is wrong with me? Why can't I just deal with these things? It worries me, because a week before we started dating... he'd probably have sex with 4-5 different women... in that single week. Now he's choosing just me to be with. Am I enough for him? Does he ever want more? Why was he such a whore? What if I slowly start to slow down? People grow older and more accustomed to each other. I'm no longer trying to impress him. Should I keep trying to impress him? I mean, I don't just let myself go, but I'm not putting that extra OOMPH into things.
I'm always worried. He's the first man I've ever been concerned of leaving me. All my prior boyfriends, if they left... it wouldn't be a big deal. I never got heartbroken or went into a depression over a boy. If Steve ever left me, I'd shatter as a person. How would I ever be able to collect all the pieces?
Steve once warned me that I should never break up with him for just a couple hours, because he'd probably have sex with someone in that time. How can he say that to me? Have I really not made such an impact on his life that if I ever broke up with him, his heart wouldn't be completely shattered? He wouldn't want anyone or anything to see him for days? That's how I would feel. But I suppose he is a man and when he's not having sex with someone he loves, it's just sex to fulfill a "need". Needless to say, him telling me that almost made me cry on the spot.
I really obsess too much over him and it honestly scares me. I've never relied so much on a single being. Especially one that is so fragile to my life and can break off easily leaving me stranded alone. At least with family, there's legal precautions that must be taken to abandon me entirely. With Steve, he can just get up and go and I can never see him again. Thinking of that scares the crap out of me.
But he won't leave me, I just always think of the worst case scenario in my head to every scenario. Mainly because the luck that my father and I have... it generally happens. But Steve won't just get up and leave. He says we're stuck together forever. Which is fine by me. Once we get married and a house, we're going to try and have a baby. I've visited the doctors and they've given me medication to cause my cycle to regulate and to cause me to ovulate. My chances of having a child are still low. But with a little luck and some medical help, perhaps I can pull this off.
So... my life... in a nutshell... There's so many things I left out. But I mean... it's been almost 5 months! Bear with me. I'm going to try and keep this updated more. Mostly to relieve the stress of wedding planning.
I have an appointment Tuesday morning with Bridal Lakes to see if it's a venue I'd like or not. It's cheap, but it's outdoors. My wedding is going to be in October. It may be too cold. We'll figure things out Tuesday though.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
That was quick
Blah blah blabbity blah. I don't even know where to start. So Steve and I have decided to go to Dinseyland for his vacation, my old boss got fired and can't stand up for me to have full time, I actually don't mind part-time, Steve quit the radio station, my roommate is getting more pregnant and more stupid, Amanda is getting more pregnant and more stupid. I found out I'm infertile and probably with never have children and Dan's moving in January and we need to find a new house.
Shall I elaborate on any of these?
How about Disneyland. Let's start with a good note. Steve has vacation days now and we were going to go to the Zombie Walk. When Steve spoke to our assistant manager, he told her that he's taking me to meet his mother and wants to know if I can get the days off too. She said it shouldn't be a problem. A week later, we checked the days off and I didn't get them, but Steve did. So, Steve went back in to talk to our assistant manager and she said that I haven't even been there for a year to earn time off. She said I hadn't even been there for 90 days. I've been there for 5 months. It will be 6 in a week. I realize that's still not a year, but it's definitely more than 90 days. So there was no reason I should get time off. But the original plan was to go up to Oregon, grab Kelsey and Kylie, go to the Zombie Walk, head down the 101 to Disneyland, visit Steve's mom in Vegas on the way home, and head back to Elko and have Dad come pick up Kelsey and Kylie from me and have them hang out with him over the Summer. But now our days have been cut much shorter. Since I'm no longer on a full-time schedule, I have three days off. Enough to go to Vegas, hang out with Steve's mom, drive to Disneyland for the day, and then drive back to Vegas. So this is all happening July 3rd, 4th, and 5th. I'm hoping we can get our free tickets into Disneyland, if not... well that's okay. I have the cash to pay for it if not. The woman that hired me on as Backroom Inventory recently got fired, so I've been told, and she was trying to get me full-time and the manager she was working with to make this happen, put her two weeks in. Her last day was last Saturday. So now I have no one who's trying to get me full-time, but I'm starting to realize, it's not that bad. I'm making decent money and with Steve's help, if I don't have that extra 8 hours, it's not going to kill me. Steve and I also got a joint bank account. So I can control the finances. The only problem is, Steve can too. Haha, he's actually really good with money, but he's also an impulse shopper. We'll discover more, I suppose.
Also, recently, Steve quit the radio station. Honestly, the only reason he had a second job was because he had nothing better to do with his time and Steve's a workaholic. He can afford to not have the second job. The reason he quit was he was only supposed to be working from 8-12, but the hours kept running later and Steve kept getting home later only getting minimal hours of sleep. And his new sales representative boss was putting all of his work on him and not doing a lot of it on his own. Steve only found this out recently when he had work with his ex co-worker.
Brandy quit her job and she does nothing but sleep or mope around the house. I'm cleaning dishes constantly and cleaning the counters. I'm so fed up with doing it so much. I mean, I understand things can't stay clean forever, but geez. The amount of time to get this place dirtier than what I just cleaned it from takes what could be measured as nano seconds. Brandy's trying to get on medicade, but she doesn't have any of her information, she doesn't recall when she was last in work, blah blah blah. Sometimes i just want to look at people and say, "Grow the fuck up." but I'm pretty positive this is something Brandy will never be able to do. Even with being a mother.
Amanda, the girl who is possibly pregnant with Steve's child... they found out that it's going to be a boy. Steve's really upset about it. He always wanted to name his first son after him, but he doesn't want to name his son after him with a woman he hates. She keeps bringing up retarded names like Lamko and such. Steve's not going for it at all. They were texting and he said absolutely not to Lamko. Then she said, "It's my baby, I'll name it what I want." Then Steve replied, "Fine, then I have no fiscal responsibility for it and don't need anything to do with it." Then she started back pedaling realizing the shit she put herself in and Steve finally said, "How about we find something you, I, and Robert (the possible other father) agree on." She flipped out. "Robert has no part in this." Steve responded, "What if he's the father." Amanda says, "I don't care. He's not part of my life anymore."
So that fucking means that Steve's still part of her life. She wants Steve to be part of her life. I don't want to share him at all. If this is his kid, I'm going to have to share him for the rest of my life. It's very upsetting.
We went to a follow up appointment with the doctor about my extreme pain. He said he didn't really know what the pain was, but I do have PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I'm prone to developing cysts on my ovaries and this causes extreme difficulty to get pregnant. It's not impossible, but it's highly improbable. The other day, Steve's cousin, Adrian, his wife just had a baby. We were there a couple hours after she was born and Steve handed her to me and I got to hold her. Later that day, Steve asks if he gave me baby fever by letting me hold the baby.
The funny thing is, I've had baby fever. Before I knew Amanda, I kind of wanted a child. I was in the wrong situation for one though. 1) I didn't have a boyfriend or dependable man to be the father (in which I would want if I ever got pregnant). 2) I was going to college. 3) I was running track. 4) I didn't have a dependable job. 5) I didn't have a stable home. There were a thousand other reasons I couldn't have one on top of those, those were just the big ones. But when Amanda found out she was pregnant, I was there every step of the way during her pregnancy. I held her legs as little Aerowyn was born because Amanda was too short to reach the stirrups and be comfortable at the same time. The moment Aerowyn was born, I wanted one more than ever. I was dating Dustin at the time, but there's no way we could of had a kid together. I'd have to wait for him to grow up much more. Seeing kids running around Walmart didn't help. Lots of them were cute. You would think it would scare me off of children, but it didn't. Then I got with Steve and discovering that he might be the father to someone else's child amplified my jealousy of having children. Then Brandy finds out she's pregnant and she's probably the last person that needs to be a mother. Then I visit the doctor's and they're like, "You can't have kids." I pretty much just felt like... Challenge Accepted.
I mean, I'm not in the best situation to raise children right now. I don't have my own home, I'm only 19, I need to go back to school, I would like to be 21 and party a couple times before I have to call a babysitter for me to do so... but it just sucks that when you realize you want to be something... be a mom... and everyone in the world tells you you can't and waves what they can do in front of your face. I hate Amanda in the first place and the fact that she's pregnant with MY boyfriend's child and wants him back... how am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to react?
Then we discover that Dan is moving in January. So we need a new place before then. Elko's not cheap. Steve and I have been househunting, but all the houses that are in our price range are just really shitty. I don't know what we're supposed to do.
So... see how my life can change in a matter of a single week?
Shall I elaborate on any of these?
How about Disneyland. Let's start with a good note. Steve has vacation days now and we were going to go to the Zombie Walk. When Steve spoke to our assistant manager, he told her that he's taking me to meet his mother and wants to know if I can get the days off too. She said it shouldn't be a problem. A week later, we checked the days off and I didn't get them, but Steve did. So, Steve went back in to talk to our assistant manager and she said that I haven't even been there for a year to earn time off. She said I hadn't even been there for 90 days. I've been there for 5 months. It will be 6 in a week. I realize that's still not a year, but it's definitely more than 90 days. So there was no reason I should get time off. But the original plan was to go up to Oregon, grab Kelsey and Kylie, go to the Zombie Walk, head down the 101 to Disneyland, visit Steve's mom in Vegas on the way home, and head back to Elko and have Dad come pick up Kelsey and Kylie from me and have them hang out with him over the Summer. But now our days have been cut much shorter. Since I'm no longer on a full-time schedule, I have three days off. Enough to go to Vegas, hang out with Steve's mom, drive to Disneyland for the day, and then drive back to Vegas. So this is all happening July 3rd, 4th, and 5th. I'm hoping we can get our free tickets into Disneyland, if not... well that's okay. I have the cash to pay for it if not. The woman that hired me on as Backroom Inventory recently got fired, so I've been told, and she was trying to get me full-time and the manager she was working with to make this happen, put her two weeks in. Her last day was last Saturday. So now I have no one who's trying to get me full-time, but I'm starting to realize, it's not that bad. I'm making decent money and with Steve's help, if I don't have that extra 8 hours, it's not going to kill me. Steve and I also got a joint bank account. So I can control the finances. The only problem is, Steve can too. Haha, he's actually really good with money, but he's also an impulse shopper. We'll discover more, I suppose.
Also, recently, Steve quit the radio station. Honestly, the only reason he had a second job was because he had nothing better to do with his time and Steve's a workaholic. He can afford to not have the second job. The reason he quit was he was only supposed to be working from 8-12, but the hours kept running later and Steve kept getting home later only getting minimal hours of sleep. And his new sales representative boss was putting all of his work on him and not doing a lot of it on his own. Steve only found this out recently when he had work with his ex co-worker.
Brandy quit her job and she does nothing but sleep or mope around the house. I'm cleaning dishes constantly and cleaning the counters. I'm so fed up with doing it so much. I mean, I understand things can't stay clean forever, but geez. The amount of time to get this place dirtier than what I just cleaned it from takes what could be measured as nano seconds. Brandy's trying to get on medicade, but she doesn't have any of her information, she doesn't recall when she was last in work, blah blah blah. Sometimes i just want to look at people and say, "Grow the fuck up." but I'm pretty positive this is something Brandy will never be able to do. Even with being a mother.
Amanda, the girl who is possibly pregnant with Steve's child... they found out that it's going to be a boy. Steve's really upset about it. He always wanted to name his first son after him, but he doesn't want to name his son after him with a woman he hates. She keeps bringing up retarded names like Lamko and such. Steve's not going for it at all. They were texting and he said absolutely not to Lamko. Then she said, "It's my baby, I'll name it what I want." Then Steve replied, "Fine, then I have no fiscal responsibility for it and don't need anything to do with it." Then she started back pedaling realizing the shit she put herself in and Steve finally said, "How about we find something you, I, and Robert (the possible other father) agree on." She flipped out. "Robert has no part in this." Steve responded, "What if he's the father." Amanda says, "I don't care. He's not part of my life anymore."
So that fucking means that Steve's still part of her life. She wants Steve to be part of her life. I don't want to share him at all. If this is his kid, I'm going to have to share him for the rest of my life. It's very upsetting.
We went to a follow up appointment with the doctor about my extreme pain. He said he didn't really know what the pain was, but I do have PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I'm prone to developing cysts on my ovaries and this causes extreme difficulty to get pregnant. It's not impossible, but it's highly improbable. The other day, Steve's cousin, Adrian, his wife just had a baby. We were there a couple hours after she was born and Steve handed her to me and I got to hold her. Later that day, Steve asks if he gave me baby fever by letting me hold the baby.
The funny thing is, I've had baby fever. Before I knew Amanda, I kind of wanted a child. I was in the wrong situation for one though. 1) I didn't have a boyfriend or dependable man to be the father (in which I would want if I ever got pregnant). 2) I was going to college. 3) I was running track. 4) I didn't have a dependable job. 5) I didn't have a stable home. There were a thousand other reasons I couldn't have one on top of those, those were just the big ones. But when Amanda found out she was pregnant, I was there every step of the way during her pregnancy. I held her legs as little Aerowyn was born because Amanda was too short to reach the stirrups and be comfortable at the same time. The moment Aerowyn was born, I wanted one more than ever. I was dating Dustin at the time, but there's no way we could of had a kid together. I'd have to wait for him to grow up much more. Seeing kids running around Walmart didn't help. Lots of them were cute. You would think it would scare me off of children, but it didn't. Then I got with Steve and discovering that he might be the father to someone else's child amplified my jealousy of having children. Then Brandy finds out she's pregnant and she's probably the last person that needs to be a mother. Then I visit the doctor's and they're like, "You can't have kids." I pretty much just felt like... Challenge Accepted.
I mean, I'm not in the best situation to raise children right now. I don't have my own home, I'm only 19, I need to go back to school, I would like to be 21 and party a couple times before I have to call a babysitter for me to do so... but it just sucks that when you realize you want to be something... be a mom... and everyone in the world tells you you can't and waves what they can do in front of your face. I hate Amanda in the first place and the fact that she's pregnant with MY boyfriend's child and wants him back... how am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to react?
Then we discover that Dan is moving in January. So we need a new place before then. Elko's not cheap. Steve and I have been househunting, but all the houses that are in our price range are just really shitty. I don't know what we're supposed to do.
So... see how my life can change in a matter of a single week?
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Looking Up
Now that I'm falling regularly into my schedule, I think I'll be able to blog more frequently now. I don't know why I feel it necessary to blog about my life. I mean... I don't have a lot of readers, my stories aren't that interesting, and everything I post could potentially get me in trouble. Mostly my complaints about my roommates. Oh and then they stumble upon my blog? Oh yes, that will turn out oh so very lovely. So much has happened. So much I can't share about publicly. Even though this is a well kept secret of a blog, there's work related things I'm sure I can't mention.
Did I tell you about my trip to the ER? Oh yes, I actually had to go to the ER this time. I've been having chest pains and stomach cramps lately. Steve had me make an appointment at The Golden Medical Center where my Dad's insurance would take care of me greatly. This woman came in and listened to my complaints and gave a bunch of 'ideas' as to what it could be. She suggested my stomach pains were from an ovarian cyst and that my chest pains were from inflamed cartilage that connects my ribs to my sternum. She told me about some over the counter drugs I can take and they were going to draw blood and contact me again sometime.
So, we went home.
Two days after I had my blood drawn, I was in the shower. I was complaining to Steve before I stepped in about the pain in my stomach. We really thought nothing of it except for the occasional gasp of pain coming from me. Suddenly a sharp pain stabbed my lower left side and I dropped sobbing. Steve caught me and lowered me to the bottom of the tub where I curled up and held myself. He retrieved a towel and ran around the house looking for ibuprofen. He asked if we needed to go to the hospital. I shook my head. He asked again. I firmly said, "No." He didn't know what to do, so he called his mother... a nurse. He told her what was happening and was asking me question in which I was answering in screams. Finally he helps me to the bedroom and starts picking out clothes for me. "Come on. We're going to the hospital."
I get dressed and he takes me to the hospital. The pain is still pretty fierce, but it begins to fade over time. We get to the emergency room and I feel like an idiot. The pain is nothing but a dull annoyance now.
We check in and that doctor's take me in. They ask how I feel and how it felt and assume it's an ovarian cyst. They take me in for an ultra sound.
The warm female doctor is all sweet and soothing and she tells me that I'm going to have to remove my clothes and put on this gown and lay on this angled pillow with my hips directed upwards. She leaves the room and allows me to do so and comes back. She pulls out about a foot long probe and tells me to insert it like a tampon. That way I can be the only one to touch me physically and she wouldn't have to feel awkward peaking on in. So I insert the probe and she starts stabbing around looking at my uterus. She finds no cyst. They send me back to my little room where I wait. Eventually the doctor comes in and explains that it's infectious and to be on antibiotics. There was no way I could go to work that night and wrote me a note. He informed Steve that I had to be on a clear liquid diet. He gave me two pills. One to start my antibiotics and another for the pain and then escorted us out of the emergency back room. So we're in the car driving and Steve calls his mom to tell her how everything went... I was paying attention and all interested and then nothing... I wake up about 5 minutes later to Steve saying, "She's passed out now." I sit up and scream, "NO I'M NOT!"
Eventually he takes me to Walmart to pick up my prescription. He drags me around the store all drugged up. Some crazy stuff was going on for me. At some point, I lost my purse. Steve told me it was in the cart. I asked him where the cart was. Apparently I was pushing it. The good thing was... I found my purse.
Those two days on that clear liquid diet were evil.
A few days later, Steve decided to have us go shopping. We hit all these small towns around town and eventually ended up at the thrift store. Books for $1.00. a VCR for $5. VHS for $1.50. The guy who was running the place was watching us. We were fighting over movies cause I didn't want to spend more than $20 at the thrift store. So He comes over and mentions a sale on the movies. I ask what the sale is. He says, "We'll see when you get to the counter. " So we chat with him and he's a really awesome guy. He asks why the hell two people like us are in Elko, NV. Steve tells him he grew up here and I tell him I grew up in Battle Mountain. He's baffled by how people like us could spawn from this area. We finally bring up all our stuff to check out and he looks at everything and goes, "How's $15 sound?"
OH MY GOD... the amount of shit we bought... for $15? Hell to the yes. He was so cool. So we got all this awesome stuff. Then we bought paint to paint my bike and wood to build a shelf in our room. Steve built the shelf in our room and now we have so much more space to store crap. I bought a bathroom organizer that goes behind the toilet and our bathroom looks so amazing right now.
Seriously... everything has gotten a thousand times better than it already was despite going to the hospital with unexplained problems. Not only that, I know Steve is here to take care of me no matter what. I don't even know how to handle my life right now.
Did I tell you about my trip to the ER? Oh yes, I actually had to go to the ER this time. I've been having chest pains and stomach cramps lately. Steve had me make an appointment at The Golden Medical Center where my Dad's insurance would take care of me greatly. This woman came in and listened to my complaints and gave a bunch of 'ideas' as to what it could be. She suggested my stomach pains were from an ovarian cyst and that my chest pains were from inflamed cartilage that connects my ribs to my sternum. She told me about some over the counter drugs I can take and they were going to draw blood and contact me again sometime.
So, we went home.
Two days after I had my blood drawn, I was in the shower. I was complaining to Steve before I stepped in about the pain in my stomach. We really thought nothing of it except for the occasional gasp of pain coming from me. Suddenly a sharp pain stabbed my lower left side and I dropped sobbing. Steve caught me and lowered me to the bottom of the tub where I curled up and held myself. He retrieved a towel and ran around the house looking for ibuprofen. He asked if we needed to go to the hospital. I shook my head. He asked again. I firmly said, "No." He didn't know what to do, so he called his mother... a nurse. He told her what was happening and was asking me question in which I was answering in screams. Finally he helps me to the bedroom and starts picking out clothes for me. "Come on. We're going to the hospital."
I get dressed and he takes me to the hospital. The pain is still pretty fierce, but it begins to fade over time. We get to the emergency room and I feel like an idiot. The pain is nothing but a dull annoyance now.
We check in and that doctor's take me in. They ask how I feel and how it felt and assume it's an ovarian cyst. They take me in for an ultra sound.
The warm female doctor is all sweet and soothing and she tells me that I'm going to have to remove my clothes and put on this gown and lay on this angled pillow with my hips directed upwards. She leaves the room and allows me to do so and comes back. She pulls out about a foot long probe and tells me to insert it like a tampon. That way I can be the only one to touch me physically and she wouldn't have to feel awkward peaking on in. So I insert the probe and she starts stabbing around looking at my uterus. She finds no cyst. They send me back to my little room where I wait. Eventually the doctor comes in and explains that it's infectious and to be on antibiotics. There was no way I could go to work that night and wrote me a note. He informed Steve that I had to be on a clear liquid diet. He gave me two pills. One to start my antibiotics and another for the pain and then escorted us out of the emergency back room. So we're in the car driving and Steve calls his mom to tell her how everything went... I was paying attention and all interested and then nothing... I wake up about 5 minutes later to Steve saying, "She's passed out now." I sit up and scream, "NO I'M NOT!"
Eventually he takes me to Walmart to pick up my prescription. He drags me around the store all drugged up. Some crazy stuff was going on for me. At some point, I lost my purse. Steve told me it was in the cart. I asked him where the cart was. Apparently I was pushing it. The good thing was... I found my purse.
Those two days on that clear liquid diet were evil.
A few days later, Steve decided to have us go shopping. We hit all these small towns around town and eventually ended up at the thrift store. Books for $1.00. a VCR for $5. VHS for $1.50. The guy who was running the place was watching us. We were fighting over movies cause I didn't want to spend more than $20 at the thrift store. So He comes over and mentions a sale on the movies. I ask what the sale is. He says, "We'll see when you get to the counter. " So we chat with him and he's a really awesome guy. He asks why the hell two people like us are in Elko, NV. Steve tells him he grew up here and I tell him I grew up in Battle Mountain. He's baffled by how people like us could spawn from this area. We finally bring up all our stuff to check out and he looks at everything and goes, "How's $15 sound?"
OH MY GOD... the amount of shit we bought... for $15? Hell to the yes. He was so cool. So we got all this awesome stuff. Then we bought paint to paint my bike and wood to build a shelf in our room. Steve built the shelf in our room and now we have so much more space to store crap. I bought a bathroom organizer that goes behind the toilet and our bathroom looks so amazing right now.
Seriously... everything has gotten a thousand times better than it already was despite going to the hospital with unexplained problems. Not only that, I know Steve is here to take care of me no matter what. I don't even know how to handle my life right now.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Well Rested
For the past week, I have only been sleeping in three hour intervals. Work from 10pm to 7am. Come home. Sleep from 10am to 1pm. Wake up. Hang out with Steve and fall asleep from 3pm and wake up at 7pm while Steve sleeps until 9. It's just been cut and go. Steve sleeps like a rock when he sleeps. I can't stay down during the day. Oh, there's a scratch on the door. Oh, someone's coming home. Oh, the sun is unusually brighter today than yesterday. Oh, someone's watching a movie in the living room. All these little things wake me up. While Steve just cruises on through them.
So this weekend was catch-up, right? Friday, Steve had to work. He was asked to come in and do overtime. So he did. I drove him to work and told him to call me to pick him up. He called at 2am after I'd gone to bed at 11pm. Another three hours. Somehow, all the cards in his wallet fell out and he wanted to buy lunch. So I got up to deliver his cards to him. As I was leaving, I heard Steve and Brandy from their bedroom say, "She's awake. She's leaving. Ask her."
They stop me as I'm exiting my room. "Maaaaaac? We were wondering if you could take us to Walmart."
I was shocked, "At two o'clock in the morning?"
"Pleeeease? He's drunk as shit and he needs work pants for tomorrow."
I was confused, but I mean, I was heading there anyways. So I agree and they all follow me to Walmart. I get to Walmart and give Steve his cards and have lunch/breakfast/dinner with him. The other two go about shopping at two in the morning. Eventually, Steve's lunch is over and it's time to head home. I grab Steve and Brandy and head out. We're driving home and Steve shouts, "WHAT ABOUT MCDONALD'S?!" I ask what about McDonald's. He says, "That's what the deal was. I'd buy you food for driving us here!"
"But I'm not hungry."
"GO TO MCDONALD'S!"
So I drive to McDonald's. No one's answering the drive-thru. We drive up to the window after waiting a couple minutes. There's people in there, but they're ignoring us. Finally a man comes up to us and I ask if they're still open. He told me they're resetting for breakfast. Brandy is having like a mini-fit over int he passenger sit and I thank the man and drive away. So now we go to Burger King. We order our stuff and then pull up to the window. All Brandy has is a $100 bill. I look at her and say, "You're making me the most hated person to drive-up windows, aren't you?" So I hand the man a $100 and he says he can't break it. I look back at everyone and he says, "Hang on," and takes the $100 and goes back. He returns and give us $21.73 in change. I look at the change knowing this was wrong, but double checking in my brain so I don't look like an idiot and ask for more change back and actually be wrong.
I hand the money to Brandy and she doesn't say anything... after a minute, I mention, "Don't you need more change than that?"
She goes, "Oh my god! I can't believe he shorted me this much!"
Steve in the back seat goes, "THAT'S IT!" and he gets out of the car. Brandy gets out of the car and starts screaming at him. Finally they both get back in the car and the guy comes back and we bring it to his attention. He was embarrassed and gave us the correct change and our food. Finally we left and we went home. Well I ate my Burger King and was on the computer. Once I get on the computer, I'm kind of here for a while. So I was on the computer until about 6. Then Steve called at 7. I woke up and picked Steve up and came back home. We showered and prepared to go to this breakfast in the park.
About a week ago, some kids stopped by our house and asked if we wanted to buy tickets sponsoring little league. I bought a ticket from each kid. A couple days later, another kid came by and was selling tickets. So I bought some. By the time I was all done buying tickets, I had 6. So we invited everyone to breakfast with us. So Steve and I were trying to go to breakfast. I texted everyone and only Mike responded. So Mike, Steve, and I all went to breakfast. Not only that, but that day was the day of the Rapture. So I brought a set of clothes to leave in the park as if someone had been raptured. We ate breakfast and laid our clothes out and left to the comic book store. Oh the hours I could spend there. Finally we ended up driving home and going to sleep. Except we play D&D at 4. So we only slept for about another 3 hours.
We gamed until 8 and finally went to sleep. I've pretty much been asleep since. So that goes to say, I am well rested. For once. And now I have to go back to work tonight and head off to the doctor's tomorrow. So I suppose I'll finish cooking dinner for Steve and head off to work.
So this weekend was catch-up, right? Friday, Steve had to work. He was asked to come in and do overtime. So he did. I drove him to work and told him to call me to pick him up. He called at 2am after I'd gone to bed at 11pm. Another three hours. Somehow, all the cards in his wallet fell out and he wanted to buy lunch. So I got up to deliver his cards to him. As I was leaving, I heard Steve and Brandy from their bedroom say, "She's awake. She's leaving. Ask her."
They stop me as I'm exiting my room. "Maaaaaac? We were wondering if you could take us to Walmart."
I was shocked, "At two o'clock in the morning?"
"Pleeeease? He's drunk as shit and he needs work pants for tomorrow."
I was confused, but I mean, I was heading there anyways. So I agree and they all follow me to Walmart. I get to Walmart and give Steve his cards and have lunch/breakfast/dinner with him. The other two go about shopping at two in the morning. Eventually, Steve's lunch is over and it's time to head home. I grab Steve and Brandy and head out. We're driving home and Steve shouts, "WHAT ABOUT MCDONALD'S?!" I ask what about McDonald's. He says, "That's what the deal was. I'd buy you food for driving us here!"
"But I'm not hungry."
"GO TO MCDONALD'S!"
So I drive to McDonald's. No one's answering the drive-thru. We drive up to the window after waiting a couple minutes. There's people in there, but they're ignoring us. Finally a man comes up to us and I ask if they're still open. He told me they're resetting for breakfast. Brandy is having like a mini-fit over int he passenger sit and I thank the man and drive away. So now we go to Burger King. We order our stuff and then pull up to the window. All Brandy has is a $100 bill. I look at her and say, "You're making me the most hated person to drive-up windows, aren't you?" So I hand the man a $100 and he says he can't break it. I look back at everyone and he says, "Hang on," and takes the $100 and goes back. He returns and give us $21.73 in change. I look at the change knowing this was wrong, but double checking in my brain so I don't look like an idiot and ask for more change back and actually be wrong.
I hand the money to Brandy and she doesn't say anything... after a minute, I mention, "Don't you need more change than that?"
She goes, "Oh my god! I can't believe he shorted me this much!"
Steve in the back seat goes, "THAT'S IT!" and he gets out of the car. Brandy gets out of the car and starts screaming at him. Finally they both get back in the car and the guy comes back and we bring it to his attention. He was embarrassed and gave us the correct change and our food. Finally we left and we went home. Well I ate my Burger King and was on the computer. Once I get on the computer, I'm kind of here for a while. So I was on the computer until about 6. Then Steve called at 7. I woke up and picked Steve up and came back home. We showered and prepared to go to this breakfast in the park.
About a week ago, some kids stopped by our house and asked if we wanted to buy tickets sponsoring little league. I bought a ticket from each kid. A couple days later, another kid came by and was selling tickets. So I bought some. By the time I was all done buying tickets, I had 6. So we invited everyone to breakfast with us. So Steve and I were trying to go to breakfast. I texted everyone and only Mike responded. So Mike, Steve, and I all went to breakfast. Not only that, but that day was the day of the Rapture. So I brought a set of clothes to leave in the park as if someone had been raptured. We ate breakfast and laid our clothes out and left to the comic book store. Oh the hours I could spend there. Finally we ended up driving home and going to sleep. Except we play D&D at 4. So we only slept for about another 3 hours.
We gamed until 8 and finally went to sleep. I've pretty much been asleep since. So that goes to say, I am well rested. For once. And now I have to go back to work tonight and head off to the doctor's tomorrow. So I suppose I'll finish cooking dinner for Steve and head off to work.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Shouldn't be long now
Tonight will be my third night on overnights. My sleep schedule is still adjusting. As to Steve who can sleep through anything, I wake up to the slightest noises... in which there's a lot during the day. Maggie's scratching the door, someone's coming in the house, Steve snores a bit too loudly once or twice, etc. But I've been doing okay. I sleep pretty heavy in the mornings.
Overnights is... different. As I was told it would be. I can pick really well and I'm not too bad at binning. Everyone has their own shortcuts and secrets and instead of showing me, they just shove me out of the way and do it themselves. I realize we're on a schedule, but it can't make that much of an impact in time to show me how they're doing it and to teach me.
I hope I'll be able to get used to the routine and deal with it. I should be able to catch on quickly. It's about time to wake up Steve, however.
Overnights is... different. As I was told it would be. I can pick really well and I'm not too bad at binning. Everyone has their own shortcuts and secrets and instead of showing me, they just shove me out of the way and do it themselves. I realize we're on a schedule, but it can't make that much of an impact in time to show me how they're doing it and to teach me.
I hope I'll be able to get used to the routine and deal with it. I should be able to catch on quickly. It's about time to wake up Steve, however.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Busy, busy, busy
I didn't forget about my blog, but things have been hectic.
I'll try to blog again, I promise.
I'll try to blog again, I promise.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
You Ain't My Drama
Oh, god. That was a terrible title... but it kind of made me giggle. Anyways, This Sunday night, I finally go to overnights! After waiting for so long. I didn't mind working days, but now that Steve and I have the same schedule, things are going to get a whole lot easier. Really, nothing exciting has gone on in my life recently. My roomates' lives... now that's a different story.
So, Steve (my roommate not my boyfriend), finds out he's still legally married to his "ex" wife. Brandy bought a dog. It's not here yet, but I assume it won't be long till it's here. Also Steve got in trouble at work and is home for a few days to "think about his attitude". So I'm always coming home and there's roommate Steve.... right there. It's like... Oh. Hi.
Other than that... umm.... My paycheck this week (tomorrow) is going to be AMAZING. Full-time hours + $1.50 raise from my last pay rate = A LOT OF MONIES!!!! So excited for my paycheck. Of course, I'm putting $500 away for my dumb car payment and dumb registration aaand I gotta pay off my credit card, but still... I should have a good chunk left over. And that's not counting the second check I get this month and since I already put my money away toward things that NEED to be paid... I'll have just a random $600. I'll probably save most of it though.
So there's that. I'm extremely tired though. I think I shall go to sleep.
So, Steve (my roommate not my boyfriend), finds out he's still legally married to his "ex" wife. Brandy bought a dog. It's not here yet, but I assume it won't be long till it's here. Also Steve got in trouble at work and is home for a few days to "think about his attitude". So I'm always coming home and there's roommate Steve.... right there. It's like... Oh. Hi.
Other than that... umm.... My paycheck this week (tomorrow) is going to be AMAZING. Full-time hours + $1.50 raise from my last pay rate = A LOT OF MONIES!!!! So excited for my paycheck. Of course, I'm putting $500 away for my dumb car payment and dumb registration aaand I gotta pay off my credit card, but still... I should have a good chunk left over. And that's not counting the second check I get this month and since I already put my money away toward things that NEED to be paid... I'll have just a random $600. I'll probably save most of it though.
So there's that. I'm extremely tired though. I think I shall go to sleep.
Monday, May 9, 2011
I was asked anonymously today if I worked out
I finally had some time to sit back and think of a proper response to this rather than people asking me while I check them out (as a cashier!) and focus primarily on getting them through line and not my answer.
Here's my post:
Anonymous 
Here's my post:
do you lift weights or something?
your arms are quite strong looking.
your arms are quite strong looking.
AnonymousI don't actually. I am very very very toned and that's due to a a very rare genetic disorder I have. It's called lipodistrophy. About 1 in 3 million people have it. I've been coming more and more to terms with it. I hated looking the way I do. Being confused for as a man or constantly being asked if I was a crossdresser. But I've grown to love myself. Here's a photo of my arms and legs that I literally JUST took:
My obliques, pectorals, lower back, glutes, and quads are all the same way. The way the disorder works is that it takes the fats in my body and either burns them or puts them all in specific places rather than just around. My fats ONLY go to my face, neck, upper back, and inside my liver. So if you notice from pictures, my face is actually quite round a slightly chubby and you may notice a double chin if I don't hide it correctly. My upper back is definitely fatty, but not so much as to give me a hump back such as others who have my disorder are unfortunate enough to get. I have about 7% body fat. So when internet trolls try and call me fat... I honestly know that I am not... in that sense anyways. Actually, if you "google" "Mackenzie Dunn"... that's me... you will see this photo as one of the first photos on there:
This photo captures the trues essence of my disorder. Look at my face. Completely chubby including a double chin. But the rest of my body is insanely fit.
The reason you can find me on google search so easily is that I hold 7 state track records in the state of Nevada and am slightly famous to the high school sports world when it involves Western (specifically Nevada, but other states are aware of me as well) schools.
Through track, I have been tested for steroids, other drug abuse, observed on my daily routines as in work outs (in which I've never worked out a day in my life), and I've also been test to prove if I was the correct sex I claimed to be.
Did you know that some people who appear to be female, can actually be a hermaphrodite? The testicles actually are lodged deep within the vagina of the hermaphrodite. They are usually up close to where the ovaries may be. Did you know that a doctor's finger is the only cheap and less hectic way to determine if you have so question testicles or not? Because I sure do. I was 12. I am 100% female.
You may ask how I know so much about this disease if it's so rare. Well, my aunts on my father's side called me up when I was about 16. They have what I have as well except my case is much more dominant than what they appear to have. They found... or perhaps the doctors found them... but as is, these special doctors from Dallas, Texas who study at the Southwestern University of Texas got a hold of me through my aunts and pay for me to fly down from Northern Nevada every three months so they can study me. I would lie in a hospital bed for about three weeks as they drained blood out of me and ran all sorts of tests on me. I would encounter numerous MRI's and other torturous tests such as water submersion in which they collect my weight under water... I can't swim nor hold my head underwater without plugging my nose without choking. This is due to me drowning three times in my life and growing a severe fear of water... but anyways... they would fly me down every three months for two years. So I learned quite a bit about it. There's still so many unanswered questions. I did learn that I can never take birth control (other than condoms and whatnot). I have a high testosterone level and when we first were trying to figure out things, most hormone specialists were like, "GET THAT GIRL SOME ESTROGEN!" Only later, did I find out that estrogen is lethal to me. Estrogen produces fats. When your body is given estrogen in which your body is not creating... your body accepts the unknown fats as their own. My body would send those fats straight to my liver and shorten my life than what already is. Note* My life actually isn't shortened by much. My life expectancy is till about 60 or so before I die of diabetes complications. That's what the fats do. They cause diabetes. Untreatable diabetes. Even through diet and insulin shots, but it's a very slow ride. So I'm not allowed to have estrogen. I have a period only once every two years. This may sound really nice and trust me, I don't take it for granted... but a period is very good for the woman's body. I'm missing out on vital things that need to be done when a period occurs. Not only that, I'll never know when I miss a period. I say once every two years, but that is an estimate. To be honest... it occurs pretty much whenever the hell it feels like it and my periods often last three months or one day. Never anymore than one day or less than three months... however they have lasted longer than three months. Because of my high testosterone level as well, I grow facial hair. Luckily nothing like a full mustache or beard, but it is noticeable scruff under my chin if I don't have my biweekly waxing. Because of the lack of period and the possibility of rare ovulation, I don't think I can bear children either, but that's just my own assumption.
On top of EVERYTHING in which I just told you, I have a 3 inch achilis tenant. While you and most of all your friends have a 6 inch achilis tenant to hold up your regular sized leg muscles... my 3 inches are fighting so hard to hold everything I have against it. They're on the verge of snapping. I've been in physical therapy since I was 7 years old... constantly stretching and working with my legs. When I first joined physical therapy, they gave me these boots I had to wear at night. They straightened my feet out. They hurt so badly. Now you try to convince a 7 year old to keep these horrible pain delivering contraptions strapped to their feet and tell them to go to sleep and not to push the simple little button that will release the straps and she can sleep freely without pain. As it goes to say, I never slept with them on.
Because of track, however, I was able to stay in physical therapy for free because they took care of the sports teams as their donation to the school. I've been in track since I was 12. So we only paid 5 years of physical therapy.
I still fight with my legs every day to not buckle underneath me when I get out of bed. You may have experience shinsplints in your life. I experience them every second of every day to where they really don't bother me anymore. I suffer from softball size cramps on the ball of my calf or more often on the ball of my feet, which hurts 1000 times more. When I get shinsplints ON TOP of my shinsplints, I'm brought to tears. Which actually is a hard thing to do on a physical level and a personal emotional level. I'll cry if someone's cat gets run over, but if you hurt my feelings, you often won't see it. People can pinch me until I bleed and I won't feel a thing. So you must imagine the immense amount of pain that I go through daily.
I'm not trying to make this a pity post about me, I'm simply posting the complete and utter truth about my disorder and how it effects me. It effects my life almost every day on so many different levels. To have a coach from another team scream at your face that you're a "fucking liar. You're not a fucking girl. There's no way. I swear she has a penis." and to have people constantly ask you how you have the confidence to go around such a small town as this dressed in drag, but always add that I pull it off so great that it's really hard to tell.... listening to all of this while my "strong" legs are weakening and can barely hold me up throughout the day, but when I race and see the faces on all those people who are shocked to hell how toned and how fast I am...
I honestly will never be able to truly explain my life to you in words or in writing and you'll never truly be able to understand, but that goes for you too. I probably will never be able to understand your life either despite how simple or extraordinaire it may be.
Through track, I have been tested for steroids, other drug abuse, observed on my daily routines as in work outs (in which I've never worked out a day in my life), and I've also been test to prove if I was the correct sex I claimed to be.
Did you know that some people who appear to be female, can actually be a hermaphrodite? The testicles actually are lodged deep within the vagina of the hermaphrodite. They are usually up close to where the ovaries may be. Did you know that a doctor's finger is the only cheap and less hectic way to determine if you have so question testicles or not? Because I sure do. I was 12. I am 100% female.
You may ask how I know so much about this disease if it's so rare. Well, my aunts on my father's side called me up when I was about 16. They have what I have as well except my case is much more dominant than what they appear to have. They found... or perhaps the doctors found them... but as is, these special doctors from Dallas, Texas who study at the Southwestern University of Texas got a hold of me through my aunts and pay for me to fly down from Northern Nevada every three months so they can study me. I would lie in a hospital bed for about three weeks as they drained blood out of me and ran all sorts of tests on me. I would encounter numerous MRI's and other torturous tests such as water submersion in which they collect my weight under water... I can't swim nor hold my head underwater without plugging my nose without choking. This is due to me drowning three times in my life and growing a severe fear of water... but anyways... they would fly me down every three months for two years. So I learned quite a bit about it. There's still so many unanswered questions. I did learn that I can never take birth control (other than condoms and whatnot). I have a high testosterone level and when we first were trying to figure out things, most hormone specialists were like, "GET THAT GIRL SOME ESTROGEN!" Only later, did I find out that estrogen is lethal to me. Estrogen produces fats. When your body is given estrogen in which your body is not creating... your body accepts the unknown fats as their own. My body would send those fats straight to my liver and shorten my life than what already is. Note* My life actually isn't shortened by much. My life expectancy is till about 60 or so before I die of diabetes complications. That's what the fats do. They cause diabetes. Untreatable diabetes. Even through diet and insulin shots, but it's a very slow ride. So I'm not allowed to have estrogen. I have a period only once every two years. This may sound really nice and trust me, I don't take it for granted... but a period is very good for the woman's body. I'm missing out on vital things that need to be done when a period occurs. Not only that, I'll never know when I miss a period. I say once every two years, but that is an estimate. To be honest... it occurs pretty much whenever the hell it feels like it and my periods often last three months or one day. Never anymore than one day or less than three months... however they have lasted longer than three months. Because of my high testosterone level as well, I grow facial hair. Luckily nothing like a full mustache or beard, but it is noticeable scruff under my chin if I don't have my biweekly waxing. Because of the lack of period and the possibility of rare ovulation, I don't think I can bear children either, but that's just my own assumption.
On top of EVERYTHING in which I just told you, I have a 3 inch achilis tenant. While you and most of all your friends have a 6 inch achilis tenant to hold up your regular sized leg muscles... my 3 inches are fighting so hard to hold everything I have against it. They're on the verge of snapping. I've been in physical therapy since I was 7 years old... constantly stretching and working with my legs. When I first joined physical therapy, they gave me these boots I had to wear at night. They straightened my feet out. They hurt so badly. Now you try to convince a 7 year old to keep these horrible pain delivering contraptions strapped to their feet and tell them to go to sleep and not to push the simple little button that will release the straps and she can sleep freely without pain. As it goes to say, I never slept with them on.
Because of track, however, I was able to stay in physical therapy for free because they took care of the sports teams as their donation to the school. I've been in track since I was 12. So we only paid 5 years of physical therapy.
I still fight with my legs every day to not buckle underneath me when I get out of bed. You may have experience shinsplints in your life. I experience them every second of every day to where they really don't bother me anymore. I suffer from softball size cramps on the ball of my calf or more often on the ball of my feet, which hurts 1000 times more. When I get shinsplints ON TOP of my shinsplints, I'm brought to tears. Which actually is a hard thing to do on a physical level and a personal emotional level. I'll cry if someone's cat gets run over, but if you hurt my feelings, you often won't see it. People can pinch me until I bleed and I won't feel a thing. So you must imagine the immense amount of pain that I go through daily.
I'm not trying to make this a pity post about me, I'm simply posting the complete and utter truth about my disorder and how it effects me. It effects my life almost every day on so many different levels. To have a coach from another team scream at your face that you're a "fucking liar. You're not a fucking girl. There's no way. I swear she has a penis." and to have people constantly ask you how you have the confidence to go around such a small town as this dressed in drag, but always add that I pull it off so great that it's really hard to tell.... listening to all of this while my "strong" legs are weakening and can barely hold me up throughout the day, but when I race and see the faces on all those people who are shocked to hell how toned and how fast I am...
I honestly will never be able to truly explain my life to you in words or in writing and you'll never truly be able to understand, but that goes for you too. I probably will never be able to understand your life either despite how simple or extraordinaire it may be.
Crazy Shit My Boyfriend Says When He's Half Asleep
I'm going to introduce a new segment to my blog called, "Crazy Shit My Boyfriend Says When He's Half Asleep!"
*applause sign blinks*
Thank you! Thank you!
As I've quoted myself on almost every social networking site I can think of because the line was that golden and that accurate, trying to wake up my boyfriend is like trying to wake up a Snorlax without using a pokeflute. Don't understand pokemon? Well the thing is, you can't wake up Snorlax and get his fat ass out of your way unless you use a pokeflut. So pretty much, you can't wake him up. See how my simile is working here now? But sometimes, I can get him awake to say some craaaaaaazy things. Here are some examples of the ones I can remember from the moment he started saying such things:
From Last Night:
“We throw glasses on the car.”
“You know… sunglasses. You know, it’s like a thank you for test driving and we give them sunglasses… or…. what do we give them here?”
“No, it makes perfect sense. Like, dealerships like to give their potential customer’s something…”
“Baby, don’t write this down.”
The Other Day:Steve: Baby, don’t talk too loud. The fox will hear you.
Me: What fox?
Steve: The fox in the room.
Me: (Deciding to play along) You mean, the Fox in the box?
Steve: Yeah. The Twenty-Gallon box. (He points to the box in which the 20 gallon fish tank came out of and then his face and voice became very grave) He doesn’t like the fish decor though.
Couple Weeks Ago:Steve: I’m trying to get you some airtime.
Me: What do you mean ‘airtime’?
Steve: On the radio. (He’s a radio advertisement salesman)
Me: What am I going to put on the radio?
Steve: Well what do you have to offer?
The First Occurrence:
Steve: Baby, hide behind the radio!
Me: What radio?
Steve: Just get behind the radio, I’ll take care of this.
Usually the day after or a while afterwards, I'll ask him what he was really meaning. He doesn't remember anything. Absolutely nothing. He refuses to believe he's ever said such things. Now he may just be screwing with me, but if so, he's very committed and he's very good at coming up with crazy nonsense (which believe it or not, is harder than it sounds).
So this was the first blog post on "Crazy Shit My Boyfriend Says When He's Half Asleep". I'm sure there will be more to come. I write them down as he spews off his craziness to me, so hopefully I can convert them onto the computer or remind myself to convert them onto the computer.
Thanks for tuning in, folks!
*applause sign blinks*
Thank you! Thank you!
As I've quoted myself on almost every social networking site I can think of because the line was that golden and that accurate, trying to wake up my boyfriend is like trying to wake up a Snorlax without using a pokeflute. Don't understand pokemon? Well the thing is, you can't wake up Snorlax and get his fat ass out of your way unless you use a pokeflut. So pretty much, you can't wake him up. See how my simile is working here now? But sometimes, I can get him awake to say some craaaaaaazy things. Here are some examples of the ones I can remember from the moment he started saying such things:
From Last Night:
“We throw glasses on the car.”
“You know… sunglasses. You know, it’s like a thank you for test driving and we give them sunglasses… or…. what do we give them here?”
“No, it makes perfect sense. Like, dealerships like to give their potential customer’s something…”
“Baby, don’t write this down.”
The Other Day:Steve: Baby, don’t talk too loud. The fox will hear you.
Me: What fox?
Steve: The fox in the room.
Me: (Deciding to play along) You mean, the Fox in the box?
Steve: Yeah. The Twenty-Gallon box. (He points to the box in which the 20 gallon fish tank came out of and then his face and voice became very grave) He doesn’t like the fish decor though.
Couple Weeks Ago:Steve: I’m trying to get you some airtime.
Me: What do you mean ‘airtime’?
Steve: On the radio. (He’s a radio advertisement salesman)
Me: What am I going to put on the radio?
Steve: Well what do you have to offer?
The First Occurrence:
Steve: Baby, hide behind the radio!
Me: What radio?
Steve: Just get behind the radio, I’ll take care of this.
Usually the day after or a while afterwards, I'll ask him what he was really meaning. He doesn't remember anything. Absolutely nothing. He refuses to believe he's ever said such things. Now he may just be screwing with me, but if so, he's very committed and he's very good at coming up with crazy nonsense (which believe it or not, is harder than it sounds).
So this was the first blog post on "Crazy Shit My Boyfriend Says When He's Half Asleep". I'm sure there will be more to come. I write them down as he spews off his craziness to me, so hopefully I can convert them onto the computer or remind myself to convert them onto the computer.
Thanks for tuning in, folks!
Why do Tommy and the High Pilots hate everyone under the age of 21?
Okay, I know for a fact that they don't hate anyone under the age of 21. Well, they might, but that's not because of their age. Probably some other reason, but they just announced the tours new shows and all the ones I can reach are 21+. I'm truly upset about this. I've seen Tommy and the High Pilots once every tour and now I won't see them on this one. They recognize me by face and name. They know who I am and keep in touch. And here I am, unable to go watch one of their shows. Oh well, I suppose. I'd have to miss one eventually and here it is.
Today, at work, Deb came up to me and she says, "Now, I don't want to put you under pressure, but I've been talking to Myron." My mind races at a thousand miles a minute thinking of the things she could have said to the store manager. She continues, "I've been talking up a storm about you and he's extremely happy to have you on BIT now. He looks to you for everything when I'm not around. So I've been boosting your name around here a lot and labeled you as my prodigy... so you may have a title to live up to."
I stare at her blankly and she holds a grin back. I grab both her shoulders and begin to shake her screaming, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
I was joking of course, but there was some truth behind my screams of terror. I'm glad she thinks I'm such a great worker, but she talked me up so much to the boss, that when I screw up... it's gonna be noticed. I screw up a lot... every day. Oh the weight that has been thrown on my shoulders. Only time can tell how well I'll be able to adapt.
But, Lunch is now over and I must return back to work. I gotta live up to everyone's expectations now. I'm about to get quizzed about what I know when I get back. So here goes nothing, right?
Also, here's another photo of a cat.
Today, at work, Deb came up to me and she says, "Now, I don't want to put you under pressure, but I've been talking to Myron." My mind races at a thousand miles a minute thinking of the things she could have said to the store manager. She continues, "I've been talking up a storm about you and he's extremely happy to have you on BIT now. He looks to you for everything when I'm not around. So I've been boosting your name around here a lot and labeled you as my prodigy... so you may have a title to live up to."
I stare at her blankly and she holds a grin back. I grab both her shoulders and begin to shake her screaming, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
I was joking of course, but there was some truth behind my screams of terror. I'm glad she thinks I'm such a great worker, but she talked me up so much to the boss, that when I screw up... it's gonna be noticed. I screw up a lot... every day. Oh the weight that has been thrown on my shoulders. Only time can tell how well I'll be able to adapt.
But, Lunch is now over and I must return back to work. I gotta live up to everyone's expectations now. I'm about to get quizzed about what I know when I get back. So here goes nothing, right?
Also, here's another photo of a cat.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
HOSPITALity
Where did I last leave you? Oh yes! The first visit to the hospital. Wait, did I say first visit to the hospital? Yes, yes I did. You see, the next day, I went home and pretty much relaxed with Steve. Since I didn't have to work for the next three days, I could pretty much adjust my schedule to Steve's for the weekend.
But Brandy... Brandy comes out of the room an requests I take her and Steve to the hospital. This time, it was Steve. His tooth had hurt so badly that it had started to cause his face to swell. I agreed to take her and woke Steve up begging him come along. He tagged along and slept on my lap the whole night. I was in the waiting room when Natalie come out. I didn't recognize her. Natalie is one of the overnight BIT members I'll be working with and a very good friend of Steve's. She sits down and starts to talk to me while Steve is completely passed out on my lap. Apparently, she fell off a ladder at work and has a serious concussion. I talked with her a little bit longer and then her ride came and I was once again, alone in the waiting room. Only this time, the TV was turned on to Disney, and I had Steve's hair to play with while he slept.
Eventually they emerged from the emergency room doors and we left and finally Steve and I had absolutely nothing to do, so we just relaxed and watched movies all day. Today, I had to meet up with that coach from Feather River. He was really awesome and nice. I wouldn't mind running for him at all, if I wanted to run that is. People tell me it's wasted talent, I tell them that I don't give a shit. I was once told, "Just because you're hung like a horse, doesn't mean you have to do porn." So it makes sense to me. Then, Steve and I bought some hair dye food and we came home and Steve made me food. I asked Dan to dye my hair (because apparently he does it quite often and is fairly good at it). Before I could have Dan dye my hair though, Steve got a phone call from Natalie. She was at the hospital and they wouldn't let her drive home. So we had to come pick her up. We picked her up and she was starving because she'd been throwing up all week. So we went to Wendy's where the drive-thru was closed for Mother's Day... seriously? WTF? So it took us forever to get our food inside and then we drove to her house and dropped her off and came home. I put Steve to bed and had Dan dye my hair.
So I had four days off from work and spent three of them at the hospital. How about that?
But Brandy... Brandy comes out of the room an requests I take her and Steve to the hospital. This time, it was Steve. His tooth had hurt so badly that it had started to cause his face to swell. I agreed to take her and woke Steve up begging him come along. He tagged along and slept on my lap the whole night. I was in the waiting room when Natalie come out. I didn't recognize her. Natalie is one of the overnight BIT members I'll be working with and a very good friend of Steve's. She sits down and starts to talk to me while Steve is completely passed out on my lap. Apparently, she fell off a ladder at work and has a serious concussion. I talked with her a little bit longer and then her ride came and I was once again, alone in the waiting room. Only this time, the TV was turned on to Disney, and I had Steve's hair to play with while he slept.
Eventually they emerged from the emergency room doors and we left and finally Steve and I had absolutely nothing to do, so we just relaxed and watched movies all day. Today, I had to meet up with that coach from Feather River. He was really awesome and nice. I wouldn't mind running for him at all, if I wanted to run that is. People tell me it's wasted talent, I tell them that I don't give a shit. I was once told, "Just because you're hung like a horse, doesn't mean you have to do porn." So it makes sense to me. Then, Steve and I bought some hair dye food and we came home and Steve made me food. I asked Dan to dye my hair (because apparently he does it quite often and is fairly good at it). Before I could have Dan dye my hair though, Steve got a phone call from Natalie. She was at the hospital and they wouldn't let her drive home. So we had to come pick her up. We picked her up and she was starving because she'd been throwing up all week. So we went to Wendy's where the drive-thru was closed for Mother's Day... seriously? WTF? So it took us forever to get our food inside and then we drove to her house and dropped her off and came home. I put Steve to bed and had Dan dye my hair.
So I had four days off from work and spent three of them at the hospital. How about that?
Friday, May 6, 2011
More photos of cats
Perhaps if I complain enough about it and keep posting photos of cats and Steve runs across it, he'll decided to get me a kitty! Here I come Galileo Galilei!
Fisherman Tales and Adventures
She's in pain. She's told us before that she has chronic cramps. She's still in pain. She won't stop complaining. My roommate looks to me and asks for a ride to the hospital. I swear it's just cramps, she's just over exaggerating it, but what do you say to someone who asks you to take them to the hospital? No? So I agree. I plan to just drop her off, but apparently she had a different plan. She wanted me to stay and not abandon her and her husband at the hospital. So, I bring my book, phone, and iPod to entertain me.
They enter the backroom after about a half hour's wait and I sit upon my couch I claimed as my own and read my book only to find that I'm not fond of the writing style or story in the least bit. A waste of eight dollars I think to myself. I get through probably five chapters before I pull out my iPod and try to access the hospital's internet. That doesn't work either. I decide to pull out my phone. Minimal phone service. This was going to be a long night. Throughout the course of the next two hours, I tweet to twitter with the minimal phone service I have in full frustration when each message generally takes three to four tries before it finally sends out. Nothing interesting happens until a man walks in and the receptionist asks if he needs help. He seems to be at war with himself about something and the woman asks his name. He mutters off something unintelligible. She asks for his last name and he blurts out, "THOMPSON!" She gestures him to sit down and do some paperwork. The man takes a seat. At this time, I notice it's11:30 in which it's Steve's break and I call him not wanting to fight with my phone with text messaging and I go out to my car for better service.
I talked with him about nothing pretty much to pass the time until he has to go back to work, in which he eventually did. Upset to go back to boredom, I drag myself into the hospital once again. Only this time, there sat a man in a wheel chair next to my seat. He had a fishing pole and tackle box. The man who had previously came in was now escorted by two policemen who sat next to him on the chairs across from me. I look around. There's no one else, but me, the two cops, the man with a fishing pole, and two receptionist behind protective glass.
Confused, I return to my seat, relatively close to the man with the fishing pole. The man looks at the cops and asks, "Where you gonna take me?"
One cop looks back confused and says, "We're not going to take you anywhere, sir."
The man replies, "You gonna wheel me out into the cold?"
The cop shakes his head and says, "No, Sir. We're here for him," and points to the man who had come in earlier.
The man with the fishing pole now seems to ramble off to himself about things and we all ignore him. A doctor briskly walks out of the emergency room doors and to the man sitting across from me between the two policemen.
"Why are you trying to kill yourself today?"
The man has a slight twitch and says, "Things are getting bad. I can't stand living there anymore."
"With your mother?"
"She's crazy. She's a bitch. I can't stand it. I can't fucking stand it."
"It can't be that bad now. How do you plan to kill yourself?"
"I have ways."
"How?"
"You'll find out when you find me dead."
"Tell me, really, what do you plan to do?"
"I have pills. Lots of pills. I'll take them all."
"Well, you know what. I don't think you'll do it. Now go home." The doctor turns a complete 180 on his heels and speeds back behind the emergency doors. One cop looks to the other and says, "Are we done here? Do we need to do anything else?"
The other replies, "I suppose we can leave now. Let's get him out of here."
I'm sitting there terrified. This man who is planning to commit suicide was told he probably wouldn't do it. I'm assuming the man now thinks he was issued a challenge. Challenge accepted. The one officer gets up and takes the man outside while the other is grabbing things to leave. The fisherman in the wheel chair yells out again, "Where are you gonna take me? Huh?"
Hospital security now walks by and the officer looks up to him and says, "What's his problem?"
Security responds, "What do you mean?"
"Well, he keeps asking me where I'm going to take him."
Security shrugs and looks at the fisherman. "Are you here for medical help?"
"WHERE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME?" the fisherman screams out.
The cop looks at security and asks, "Would you like me to get him out of here."
The receptionists all nod and security gestures for him to do his job. The officer goes towards the man and tells him he needs to leave the property. The fisherman begs for a minute as the officer agrees. You can tell he is getting impatient though because the fisherman seems to be doing nothing. Finally he has enough and puts a hand on his shoulder. The fisherman plants his butt firmly in his wheelchair. He asks to borrow a coat. The cop tells him he has no spare jacket. The fisherman looks at me and my eyes get wide and I shake my head. Had I not been wearing Steve's jacket, I may have contemplating giving him my coat, but it was not my coat to give. He begs for a blanket. The cop explains how he has no blanket and one of the receptionists offers to give him a blanket. She retrieves the blanket and hands it to the man. The officer now forces him out of the wheel chair and takes him outside.
Finally feeling secure that the crazies are gone, I open my shitty book back up to begin reading. About twenty minutes after the police leave, the fisherman comes wondering back in. The police are now gone. The receptionist pulls up the desk phone and calls for security. Security arrives shortly after and escorts him outside in which only a half hour later, he returns. He comes through the door and the hefty security guard puffs up.
"Can I use the bathroom, please?"
The security guard relaxes slightly and says, "Certainly, sir!"
"How long do I have? A minute? Two minutes? Five?"
"Well, you're not going to camp in there, so you don't have long."
The fisherman hurries along into the bathroom and the security guard looks at me. "How long would you give him?"
I laugh slightly and say, "Three minutes and forty-two seconds."
The guard checks his watch and says, "You got it!"
After some time, the guard checks the restroom. I'm not sure what happens, but he comes back out and doesn't say anything. I try to entertain myself once again since the excitement has dispersed. With no success, I still find myself completely bored. Finally, the bathroom door opens and the fisherman exits. He sits up at the receptionist window and she asks how to help him.
"I dropped my blanket in the toilet. It's all wet. Will I be able to get a new one?"
"Sir, I already gave you one blanket. We're not even really supposed to give out the blankets to non-patients. I made an exception for you. How can you ask of me to get you another blanket now?"
He begs for another blanket and she calls for security in which the burly security officer shows back up. He tells the man he has to leave and escorts him outside. About ten minutes after he is escorted outside, Steve, Brandy's husband comes out of the emergency doors to go outside for a smoke and asks me to join him. Not for a smoke of course, but for company. I agree and head out into the freezing cold winds.
We stand out there and he takes a drag. "Well, Brandy's pregnant. They know that, they just don't know why it hurts so badly. So they're going to be testing to find out why and hopefully we can be heading home. Would you like to take Steve's truck and run me over please?"
I chuckle and remain silent. I knew she'd either be pregnant or just retarded. It turns out she wasn't retarded this time. Steve looks at me and his eyes grow serious, "You cannot tell Steve what I've told you tonight. You can't tell Dan or Mike or anyone. Do you think Dan will kick us out if he knows Brandy's pregnant."
This thought had occurred to me, long before I even knew Brandy was pregnant. I honestly didn't know the answer to his question. Dan's an amazing guy, but it's asking a bit much to ask to raise your child in his house. I don't know if he'd put up with it. I told Steve exactly what I thought and he agreed it was an awkward situation. Steve finishes his cigarette and returns inside to the emergency room in which I return to my couch. I lay my head down and sprawl out and before I know it, I'm asleep. The vibration of my phone woke me and it was a text from Steve. He was on lunch. I wanted to be home by the time he went to lunch, but it was apparent that wasn't going to happen. I head back out to my car to call Steve on his lunch and I run into Brandy's Steve out the door who's smoking another cigarette. He asks me if I'm speaking to Steve and I nod. He asks if I've told him and I shake my head. Steve nods and I head out to the car to talk to him. Steve guesses right off the bat. She either miscarried or she's pregnant. I didn't say which or if it was either, but Steve knew. I sat and spoke with Steve of my crazy night until I saw Brandy in my side view mirror. They hopped in the car and said we could go home now. I get off the phone with Steve and rush home to see him. He only has five minutes now before he has to go back. I cuddle with him on the couch and fall asleep on his stomach in the few minutes we have. He wakes me up and kisses me goodbye and I wake up and clean the house. I do the laundry and the dishes. I take care of the dog. I had to get a detailing on my car this morning, so I just stayed awake for that as well. I continued to do laundry and clean until Steve came home in which I finally fell asleep with him. I woke up around 8 in which Dan greeted me with a good morning and asked me if I'd like a burger and if I wouldn't mind frying the bacon for the burgers.
The night and adventure in which I experienced was a strange one. I was told not to tell Steve anything about the baby, but Brandy broke it to him. She told Mike as well and Dan. As soon as they stepped in the door. Here I am feeling terrible that Steve had guessed about the baby and here she is blabbing everything to everyone. I suppose it's her life though. She can do as she pleases. She hasn't shut up about being pregnant though. She uses it as an excuse for everything and she also suddenly has cravings and silly things that pregnant women go through. It's all fake though. She's like a week pregnant.
I'll allow her to live her life how she pleases though. It's not my decisions, just my car and drivers license that will be abused.
They enter the backroom after about a half hour's wait and I sit upon my couch I claimed as my own and read my book only to find that I'm not fond of the writing style or story in the least bit. A waste of eight dollars I think to myself. I get through probably five chapters before I pull out my iPod and try to access the hospital's internet. That doesn't work either. I decide to pull out my phone. Minimal phone service. This was going to be a long night. Throughout the course of the next two hours, I tweet to twitter with the minimal phone service I have in full frustration when each message generally takes three to four tries before it finally sends out. Nothing interesting happens until a man walks in and the receptionist asks if he needs help. He seems to be at war with himself about something and the woman asks his name. He mutters off something unintelligible. She asks for his last name and he blurts out, "THOMPSON!" She gestures him to sit down and do some paperwork. The man takes a seat. At this time, I notice it's11:30 in which it's Steve's break and I call him not wanting to fight with my phone with text messaging and I go out to my car for better service.
I talked with him about nothing pretty much to pass the time until he has to go back to work, in which he eventually did. Upset to go back to boredom, I drag myself into the hospital once again. Only this time, there sat a man in a wheel chair next to my seat. He had a fishing pole and tackle box. The man who had previously came in was now escorted by two policemen who sat next to him on the chairs across from me. I look around. There's no one else, but me, the two cops, the man with a fishing pole, and two receptionist behind protective glass.
Confused, I return to my seat, relatively close to the man with the fishing pole. The man looks at the cops and asks, "Where you gonna take me?"
One cop looks back confused and says, "We're not going to take you anywhere, sir."
The man replies, "You gonna wheel me out into the cold?"
The cop shakes his head and says, "No, Sir. We're here for him," and points to the man who had come in earlier.
The man with the fishing pole now seems to ramble off to himself about things and we all ignore him. A doctor briskly walks out of the emergency room doors and to the man sitting across from me between the two policemen.
"Why are you trying to kill yourself today?"
The man has a slight twitch and says, "Things are getting bad. I can't stand living there anymore."
"With your mother?"
"She's crazy. She's a bitch. I can't stand it. I can't fucking stand it."
"It can't be that bad now. How do you plan to kill yourself?"
"I have ways."
"How?"
"You'll find out when you find me dead."
"Tell me, really, what do you plan to do?"
"I have pills. Lots of pills. I'll take them all."
"Well, you know what. I don't think you'll do it. Now go home." The doctor turns a complete 180 on his heels and speeds back behind the emergency doors. One cop looks to the other and says, "Are we done here? Do we need to do anything else?"
The other replies, "I suppose we can leave now. Let's get him out of here."
I'm sitting there terrified. This man who is planning to commit suicide was told he probably wouldn't do it. I'm assuming the man now thinks he was issued a challenge. Challenge accepted. The one officer gets up and takes the man outside while the other is grabbing things to leave. The fisherman in the wheel chair yells out again, "Where are you gonna take me? Huh?"
Hospital security now walks by and the officer looks up to him and says, "What's his problem?"
Security responds, "What do you mean?"
"Well, he keeps asking me where I'm going to take him."
Security shrugs and looks at the fisherman. "Are you here for medical help?"
"WHERE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME?" the fisherman screams out.
The cop looks at security and asks, "Would you like me to get him out of here."
The receptionists all nod and security gestures for him to do his job. The officer goes towards the man and tells him he needs to leave the property. The fisherman begs for a minute as the officer agrees. You can tell he is getting impatient though because the fisherman seems to be doing nothing. Finally he has enough and puts a hand on his shoulder. The fisherman plants his butt firmly in his wheelchair. He asks to borrow a coat. The cop tells him he has no spare jacket. The fisherman looks at me and my eyes get wide and I shake my head. Had I not been wearing Steve's jacket, I may have contemplating giving him my coat, but it was not my coat to give. He begs for a blanket. The cop explains how he has no blanket and one of the receptionists offers to give him a blanket. She retrieves the blanket and hands it to the man. The officer now forces him out of the wheel chair and takes him outside.
Finally feeling secure that the crazies are gone, I open my shitty book back up to begin reading. About twenty minutes after the police leave, the fisherman comes wondering back in. The police are now gone. The receptionist pulls up the desk phone and calls for security. Security arrives shortly after and escorts him outside in which only a half hour later, he returns. He comes through the door and the hefty security guard puffs up.
"Can I use the bathroom, please?"
The security guard relaxes slightly and says, "Certainly, sir!"
"How long do I have? A minute? Two minutes? Five?"
"Well, you're not going to camp in there, so you don't have long."
The fisherman hurries along into the bathroom and the security guard looks at me. "How long would you give him?"
I laugh slightly and say, "Three minutes and forty-two seconds."
The guard checks his watch and says, "You got it!"
After some time, the guard checks the restroom. I'm not sure what happens, but he comes back out and doesn't say anything. I try to entertain myself once again since the excitement has dispersed. With no success, I still find myself completely bored. Finally, the bathroom door opens and the fisherman exits. He sits up at the receptionist window and she asks how to help him.
"I dropped my blanket in the toilet. It's all wet. Will I be able to get a new one?"
"Sir, I already gave you one blanket. We're not even really supposed to give out the blankets to non-patients. I made an exception for you. How can you ask of me to get you another blanket now?"
He begs for another blanket and she calls for security in which the burly security officer shows back up. He tells the man he has to leave and escorts him outside. About ten minutes after he is escorted outside, Steve, Brandy's husband comes out of the emergency doors to go outside for a smoke and asks me to join him. Not for a smoke of course, but for company. I agree and head out into the freezing cold winds.
We stand out there and he takes a drag. "Well, Brandy's pregnant. They know that, they just don't know why it hurts so badly. So they're going to be testing to find out why and hopefully we can be heading home. Would you like to take Steve's truck and run me over please?"
I chuckle and remain silent. I knew she'd either be pregnant or just retarded. It turns out she wasn't retarded this time. Steve looks at me and his eyes grow serious, "You cannot tell Steve what I've told you tonight. You can't tell Dan or Mike or anyone. Do you think Dan will kick us out if he knows Brandy's pregnant."
This thought had occurred to me, long before I even knew Brandy was pregnant. I honestly didn't know the answer to his question. Dan's an amazing guy, but it's asking a bit much to ask to raise your child in his house. I don't know if he'd put up with it. I told Steve exactly what I thought and he agreed it was an awkward situation. Steve finishes his cigarette and returns inside to the emergency room in which I return to my couch. I lay my head down and sprawl out and before I know it, I'm asleep. The vibration of my phone woke me and it was a text from Steve. He was on lunch. I wanted to be home by the time he went to lunch, but it was apparent that wasn't going to happen. I head back out to my car to call Steve on his lunch and I run into Brandy's Steve out the door who's smoking another cigarette. He asks me if I'm speaking to Steve and I nod. He asks if I've told him and I shake my head. Steve nods and I head out to the car to talk to him. Steve guesses right off the bat. She either miscarried or she's pregnant. I didn't say which or if it was either, but Steve knew. I sat and spoke with Steve of my crazy night until I saw Brandy in my side view mirror. They hopped in the car and said we could go home now. I get off the phone with Steve and rush home to see him. He only has five minutes now before he has to go back. I cuddle with him on the couch and fall asleep on his stomach in the few minutes we have. He wakes me up and kisses me goodbye and I wake up and clean the house. I do the laundry and the dishes. I take care of the dog. I had to get a detailing on my car this morning, so I just stayed awake for that as well. I continued to do laundry and clean until Steve came home in which I finally fell asleep with him. I woke up around 8 in which Dan greeted me with a good morning and asked me if I'd like a burger and if I wouldn't mind frying the bacon for the burgers.
The night and adventure in which I experienced was a strange one. I was told not to tell Steve anything about the baby, but Brandy broke it to him. She told Mike as well and Dan. As soon as they stepped in the door. Here I am feeling terrible that Steve had guessed about the baby and here she is blabbing everything to everyone. I suppose it's her life though. She can do as she pleases. She hasn't shut up about being pregnant though. She uses it as an excuse for everything and she also suddenly has cravings and silly things that pregnant women go through. It's all fake though. She's like a week pregnant.
I'll allow her to live her life how she pleases though. It's not my decisions, just my car and drivers license that will be abused.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
This Little Piggy Went to Walmart
Oh, my toes. My poor little toes. I can't even bare the pain. I don't want to walk anymore. I don't wanna stand. I just wanna sit back and let my toes recover. When I was younger, and learning to walk, I walked on my toes and it ended up that I just never grew out of that stage of walking on my toes. I've walked on my toes for as long as I can remember. Now, with this new job, going up and down ladders and running back and forth only on my toes, it makes them hurt... reeeeeeeaaaaly bad. However; I'll get over it eventually. I make Steve come home on his lunches and rub them. Things can only get better. Like, we're trading schedules around right now because apparently the night crew is really bad at their job. So our Support Manager is sending one of our day trainers to train the night crew. So we're all swapping schedules and it just so happens that I get Thursday, Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday off! Which will be so freakin' nice! I can let my toes recover! Apparently, they're going to keep me on days for just a bit longer so my support manager can work with me. So the cool thing is, I'm a part-time day-shift employee as of right now receiving full-time hours (40 hour weeks) and overnight pay. I pretty much just flipped off the system and went along my way. I'm quite proud of this. So, I probably won't be on night-shift until two weeks from now, which is what they said three weeks ago, but whatever. I'm okay with this.
I bought The Green Hornet today with Seth Rogan. Gawd, I loved that movie. It was so great. Not like the Green Hornet at all, but still really good. I got it on BluRay for Steve's PS3. Pretty much, every action that I make, I have to end up staying with Steve. I told him that if we buy this car, we're just gonna have to get married so he can help me pay for it and I have all these bluray movies now and I don't have a bluray player. If I ever dump Steve (or visaversa) I'm going to have all these BluRay movies and nothing to play them on.
Speaking of movies, tomorrow is May 4th. Star Wars Day. May the Fourth Be with You. Everyone remember to celebrate Star Wars Day, this is of dire importance.
Ohmigosh, I'm falling asleep on my laptop... I don't know how to end this properly right now and I realize how jumpy everything else was... soo.......
I bought The Green Hornet today with Seth Rogan. Gawd, I loved that movie. It was so great. Not like the Green Hornet at all, but still really good. I got it on BluRay for Steve's PS3. Pretty much, every action that I make, I have to end up staying with Steve. I told him that if we buy this car, we're just gonna have to get married so he can help me pay for it and I have all these bluray movies now and I don't have a bluray player. If I ever dump Steve (or visaversa) I'm going to have all these BluRay movies and nothing to play them on.
Speaking of movies, tomorrow is May 4th. Star Wars Day. May the Fourth Be with You. Everyone remember to celebrate Star Wars Day, this is of dire importance.
Ohmigosh, I'm falling asleep on my laptop... I don't know how to end this properly right now and I realize how jumpy everything else was... soo.......
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Come through the milk cooler with me
Quite sorry about the past couple days, I've been so busy. So, Friday, my breaks went out on my car. Nothing extreme, just the fact that I was behind a vehicle at a stop light with my foot firmly on the break and my car suddenly lurched forward. Probably no more than an inch or two, but enough to scare me with me knowing that I had told the car to stop and it was now moving. It eventually caught itself, but I had had it. Steve refuses to let me drive to work. Luckily, he's been on his days off. He's been driving me to work everyday.
However; he returns to work tonight. Therefore, I have to drop him off at work at 10, then I'll drive to work at 7am in which he gets off and he'll take the keys from me and drive home only to pick me up from work at 4pm.
The day after my breaks went out, Steve took me to the car dealers in town. We test drove quite a few, but settled on a 2010 Ford Focus. It's about $15,000 which is about $8,000 more than what I was looking at, but Steve assures me I'll be able to afford it. He's putting $500 of his own money down on it and then I'm trading in my Oldsmobile which adds up to another $500. So there's $1,000 down. I negotiated with my father to keep paying my insurance if I pay half. So there's that. I'll take photos of it tomorrow and show them to you.
At work, often times I run through the dairy backroom to get places as well as pick from the dairy. Every time I walk past the milk jugs, they're all lined up as so:
However; he returns to work tonight. Therefore, I have to drop him off at work at 10, then I'll drive to work at 7am in which he gets off and he'll take the keys from me and drive home only to pick me up from work at 4pm.
The day after my breaks went out, Steve took me to the car dealers in town. We test drove quite a few, but settled on a 2010 Ford Focus. It's about $15,000 which is about $8,000 more than what I was looking at, but Steve assures me I'll be able to afford it. He's putting $500 of his own money down on it and then I'm trading in my Oldsmobile which adds up to another $500. So there's $1,000 down. I negotiated with my father to keep paying my insurance if I pay half. So there's that. I'll take photos of it tomorrow and show them to you.
At work, often times I run through the dairy backroom to get places as well as pick from the dairy. Every time I walk past the milk jugs, they're all lined up as so:
I just want to reach out to a customer and pull them through and then sing Take On Me by Aha to them. How crazy would that be? To just see someone reach out to you from the milk bin? Oh my god, I want to make this happen.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that my father is also stopping by tomorrow. He's going to be my cosigner for my car, but he also wants to take a look at the car himself. I guess we'll get a good look over it. I'm just so worried because Dad doesn't like making decisions like this, so he'll just put it off... and never get the car. I suppose we'll see how it goes tomorrow. Steve probably won't let me go without buying the car though. Since my father is coming, though, I must clean my house. It's not much of a mess for the amount of people who live in it and the amount of control I have over anything, but my room is atrocious. Which is entirely all to blame on Steve. I'll clean it tonight, however. I have to work at 7am, but I can do this.
Poor Steve. He works from 10pm to 7am at Walmart, comes home for an hour to get ready for his second job at the radio station which starts at 8am and goes to about 3 or 4 in the afternoon. So of course, on his days off, he does nothing but sleep and it's kind of really upsetting. I finally get to see him when he's not all worn-out, yet he's still worn-out. I guess I'll just have to deal with it. Some day everything will be alright.
Well, I must be off to clean my room and do some laundry. I really ought to have done it long ago, but I had work and then there was D&D and blaaaah. I'm just addicted to the internet and really should just get out of here.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Where to Start
Please tell me what you do, when you are in love, but don't want to get stuck in this place? You want to live where the trees are tall, the people are frequent, and life is occurring. Not the slow desert filled with old fashion people with their old fashion ways and old fashion thoughts and close minded views. I don't want to live here, but I don't want to leave Steve. I don't want to fall into that stereotype either. The girl who stopped everything for a guy. Why can't I have my cake and eat it too?! Of course, I can ask Steve to move with me, in which I have, but circumstances are making things hard right now. We have to wait. I suppose I can do that, but that's often what everyone in this town does. They wait for their way out and never find it. Will I be one of those people?
Am I that stupid girl that chose the boy over my life? Is it so stupid to make that boy your life? What everyone searches for in life is that perfect someone and yet I've found mine. Is it jealousy when you hear people say things like, "How stupid, she fell for a boy", "Her dreams wasted, all over a boy"? They just haven't found love. They don't know what it's like. I hardly know what it's like! I'm learning more and more about it every day. I'm loving every moment of it. I've never felt this involved with someone and still happy to see them every day. I tire of people quickly. I can only handle so much of one person, but with Steve, I can't wait for him to come home. I text him begging he text me back on his free time at work. I text him when I'm on break at work. Every moment in which I'm not involved in doing something, I wish to hear from or see Steve. I feel like an obsessive creep. If Steve didn't live me back, my actions would be restraining order worthy. ... ... ... Dammit Sandra Bullock. It's all about Steve. WHY IS THE NAME STEVE SO RELEVANT TO MY LIFE?! Even writing this, I really want to hit the backspace button so I don't sound like such a obsessive weirdo. I also hate coming back to these kind of posts years from now to read how stupid I must have sounded. I hate when I judge myself.
I'm not deleting this though. This is the writing process. This is the diary process. To look back and see yourself from another time. To allow yourself to feel what you once did no matter how stupid it was.
I just got off the phone with Steve. We've been trying to get a pet together. He wants to get a turtle. I want something fluffy. I really want a kitten. Kittens are dicks unless you raise them AWESOME. Toki was awesome, until he ran away, and Captain IS awesome. I want to name it Galileo Galilei. I notice I've been posting a lot of cat related things such as:
and here's some gifs I've made recently:
So, I'm pretty sure I want a cat.
The only problem is, I have to convince my roommates and Steve. He never seems too excited about the idea when I mention getting a cat. I'm all like:
PLEEEEEEASE
and he kind of acts like:
And I'm like, "Okay I understand."
But really I'm like:
But, as I said, I just got off the phone with Steve. He says it's possible. He says we'd have to talk to Dan first and he gets to name it. BUT I WANT IT TO BE NAMED GALILEO GALILEI DAMMIT!
But I suppose this will take some time to talk it over and such and prepare for a kitty.
Oh, how this blog post has turned... all serious to me whining over getting a cat. This reminds me of that two hour fight I had with my dad when I was seven to get a kitten.
I never did get that cat.
Am I that stupid girl that chose the boy over my life? Is it so stupid to make that boy your life? What everyone searches for in life is that perfect someone and yet I've found mine. Is it jealousy when you hear people say things like, "How stupid, she fell for a boy", "Her dreams wasted, all over a boy"? They just haven't found love. They don't know what it's like. I hardly know what it's like! I'm learning more and more about it every day. I'm loving every moment of it. I've never felt this involved with someone and still happy to see them every day. I tire of people quickly. I can only handle so much of one person, but with Steve, I can't wait for him to come home. I text him begging he text me back on his free time at work. I text him when I'm on break at work. Every moment in which I'm not involved in doing something, I wish to hear from or see Steve. I feel like an obsessive creep. If Steve didn't live me back, my actions would be restraining order worthy. ... ... ... Dammit Sandra Bullock. It's all about Steve. WHY IS THE NAME STEVE SO RELEVANT TO MY LIFE?! Even writing this, I really want to hit the backspace button so I don't sound like such a obsessive weirdo. I also hate coming back to these kind of posts years from now to read how stupid I must have sounded. I hate when I judge myself.
I'm not deleting this though. This is the writing process. This is the diary process. To look back and see yourself from another time. To allow yourself to feel what you once did no matter how stupid it was.
I just got off the phone with Steve. We've been trying to get a pet together. He wants to get a turtle. I want something fluffy. I really want a kitten. Kittens are dicks unless you raise them AWESOME. Toki was awesome, until he ran away, and Captain IS awesome. I want to name it Galileo Galilei. I notice I've been posting a lot of cat related things such as:
and here's some gifs I've made recently:
So, I'm pretty sure I want a cat.
The only problem is, I have to convince my roommates and Steve. He never seems too excited about the idea when I mention getting a cat. I'm all like:
PLEEEEEEASE
and he kind of acts like:
And I'm like, "Okay I understand."
But really I'm like:
But, as I said, I just got off the phone with Steve. He says it's possible. He says we'd have to talk to Dan first and he gets to name it. BUT I WANT IT TO BE NAMED GALILEO GALILEI DAMMIT!
But I suppose this will take some time to talk it over and such and prepare for a kitty.
Oh, how this blog post has turned... all serious to me whining over getting a cat. This reminds me of that two hour fight I had with my dad when I was seven to get a kitten.
I never did get that cat.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Uneventful Days of Adventure
I hadn't gone to sleep until about 5:30 this morning... erm... yesterday morning. I spent the whole night cleaning the house. It's quite nice now. Still cluttered, but it's all my roommates' stuff that I'm not exactly quite sure what to do with. I'm still not completely done cleaning. What I am done with though is dishes and laundry. Well that's not quite true either. I still have a load in the dryer drying. Ugh... I'm going to have to fold that.
I swore I did all the laundry yesterday, but today, Steve had piles of clothes everywhere. So I decided to cram as much of that in the washer as I possibly could. So it requires numerous hours of drying since it's such a large load. But, I suppose I shall tell you of my day rather than how to do laundry.
Steve woke me up around one in which he has to go to bed. He works overnights at Walmart and then mornings at the radio station. So his bed time is around 1pm. But we got caught up in talking and he really didn't go to sleep till around 4. When Steve sleeps, he sleeps. There's no waking him up. He's just like my little sister, Kylie. He can be laying face down on his phone which is set to full vibrate and ring and it won't wake him up. I try shaking him awake (violently) and he still refuses to get up. It's crazy. So I really didn't get up to doing anything until around 4'oclock. I did continue cleaning, tumbl'd mostly, and did some facebooking. Oh, how my life revolves around the internet. I have tomorrow off as well, but the difference is, I get paid tomorrow. (Squee). My roommate, Steve (not my boyfriend), needs a ride to work at 10 though. So I suppose I should be getting to bed to take him to work.
I'm just so excited about all the things I can buy tomorrow. I can pay off $100 on my credit card, buy some food, and get my neck waxed. Oh how I miss having money. I took a week off to go to Oregon a couple weeks ago and that effected this pay period. So I have a much smaller paycheck than usual, but that's okay. I'll make due. I make $10.15 an hour all next week even though I'm not technically going to be overnights. I am going to receive overnight pay though. I'm so excited. This will definitely make up for the short check this week. I should really make up recipe lists for tomorrow so I can continue baking once again! I think I'll do that right after I'm finished with this and then I'll head to bed.
Someone sent me an anonymous message on Tumblr today that read: I never knew you were super hot! This was right after I changed my profile picture to an actual picture of me. My Tumblr pic is usually of a celebrity, but I finally got a good pic of myself and decided to show it off. I was so flattered, so I made this gif.
Oh yes, I'm quite cute. I use that as an excuse to get money at work for the soda machine. "Does anyone have a quarter? I'm cuuuute." I often get that quarter. Maybe it's because they don't mind giving away small change. I like to think it's because I'm actually cute. You can choose whatever you want to believe.
So, I think I'm going to be doing a giveaway soon. Why? Because I'm bored, would like more followers, and love to give people stuff. I'm not sure quite what I'll be giving away or if it will be worth anything, but I will have great fun in it. Heck, it might be this screw I found here on this table. Meh, maybe not. Dan might need that for something. But, expect a giveaway soon. The only risk people have in entering my giveaway is that I will now have your address so I can hunt you down and stalk you. Which was my initial idea in starting the giveaway in the first place... I MEAN I wouldn't do that. I'm just a normal blogger that doesn't want to watch you sleep at night through your window.
And with that, since I have to wake up early-ish, I shall go to sleep. Perhaps I'll see some of you outside my window.
I swore I did all the laundry yesterday, but today, Steve had piles of clothes everywhere. So I decided to cram as much of that in the washer as I possibly could. So it requires numerous hours of drying since it's such a large load. But, I suppose I shall tell you of my day rather than how to do laundry.
Steve woke me up around one in which he has to go to bed. He works overnights at Walmart and then mornings at the radio station. So his bed time is around 1pm. But we got caught up in talking and he really didn't go to sleep till around 4. When Steve sleeps, he sleeps. There's no waking him up. He's just like my little sister, Kylie. He can be laying face down on his phone which is set to full vibrate and ring and it won't wake him up. I try shaking him awake (violently) and he still refuses to get up. It's crazy. So I really didn't get up to doing anything until around 4'oclock. I did continue cleaning, tumbl'd mostly, and did some facebooking. Oh, how my life revolves around the internet. I have tomorrow off as well, but the difference is, I get paid tomorrow. (Squee). My roommate, Steve (not my boyfriend), needs a ride to work at 10 though. So I suppose I should be getting to bed to take him to work.
I'm just so excited about all the things I can buy tomorrow. I can pay off $100 on my credit card, buy some food, and get my neck waxed. Oh how I miss having money. I took a week off to go to Oregon a couple weeks ago and that effected this pay period. So I have a much smaller paycheck than usual, but that's okay. I'll make due. I make $10.15 an hour all next week even though I'm not technically going to be overnights. I am going to receive overnight pay though. I'm so excited. This will definitely make up for the short check this week. I should really make up recipe lists for tomorrow so I can continue baking once again! I think I'll do that right after I'm finished with this and then I'll head to bed.
Someone sent me an anonymous message on Tumblr today that read: I never knew you were super hot! This was right after I changed my profile picture to an actual picture of me. My Tumblr pic is usually of a celebrity, but I finally got a good pic of myself and decided to show it off. I was so flattered, so I made this gif.
Oh Stop it, you!
Oh yes, I'm quite cute. I use that as an excuse to get money at work for the soda machine. "Does anyone have a quarter? I'm cuuuute." I often get that quarter. Maybe it's because they don't mind giving away small change. I like to think it's because I'm actually cute. You can choose whatever you want to believe.
So, I think I'm going to be doing a giveaway soon. Why? Because I'm bored, would like more followers, and love to give people stuff. I'm not sure quite what I'll be giving away or if it will be worth anything, but I will have great fun in it. Heck, it might be this screw I found here on this table. Meh, maybe not. Dan might need that for something. But, expect a giveaway soon. The only risk people have in entering my giveaway is that I will now have your address so I can hunt you down and stalk you. Which was my initial idea in starting the giveaway in the first place... I MEAN I wouldn't do that. I'm just a normal blogger that doesn't want to watch you sleep at night through your window.
And with that, since I have to wake up early-ish, I shall go to sleep. Perhaps I'll see some of you outside my window.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Happiness
Here it is, almost one in the morning, drinking out of Mike's coffee cup, and doing laundry. My most hated chore. I hate laundry. I love clean clothes, but boy do I hate doing laundry. It's not the washing or drying, it's the folding and putting away. Ugh! So pointless. I'm just going to wear it all over again! I'm currently not wearing underwear or anything under my sweater because I refuse to dirty up any more clothes than I have to while doing laundry.
I have tomorrow and the day after off. I get paid Thursday... finally. I spent my last three dollars on a tip today when Steve took me out to lunch. We're so out of food. Not the house, the house has plenty of food, but Steve and my food. Dan won't refuse us of his food though. I do most of the grocery shopping and usually cook for everyone anyways, so he doesn't mind when I dig into his reserves. Tonight, I stole some of his beef and made a huge pot of elbow pasta with meatballs and in spaghetti sauce. It was so good. Then Mike brought home a chocolate pie. So BAM! Dessert! I need to get back to baking again. I love baking treats, I just haven't had the time and/or money. Perhaps with this paycheck, I'll dig up a few recipes and try some new things. I follow a few cooking blogs on here, perhaps I'll steal something from there. I get my meals from Simply Recipes and my baking recipes from Sugar Plum Blog. Oh my gosh, I love Sugar Plum Blog. The girl that writes it is so sweet and so creative. I wish I could be more like her.
I wish I had my own place that I could make mine and be able to do these kinds of things without worrying about other people wanting to use the oven or not wanting me to use this or that. It's such a hassle. I'm so afraid to piss off Dan or do something that he doesn't really appreciate. I respect the guy so much. He reminds me much of Mr. Pacheco who is the second closest thing to a father to me besides my own father. I don't look at Dan like he's my dad, but he definitely has a respect level from me that I can't explain.
I'm currently trying to clean the kitchen, do the dishes, and finish up this laundry. I feel like a housewife... except I have a job I have to deal with. Through all my plans and thinkings, I've realized what would probably make me happiest is if I became a housewife. A high class one of course, such as the two story house, white picket fence, drive my kids to soccer practice and bake them all treats, and be a loving wife and mother. That actually sounds really nice. And I can be as lazy as I want (minus all the house chores) and blog all day. I was telling Steve the other day that if I HAD to choose a job (besides being a 3D Digital Animator), I'd be a professional blogger for some company. All day long, I'd blog at work and I'd complain about it and such, and then I'd get off work, come home, get online, and complain about my work on my blog at home. How amazing of a life would that be? To blog all day for a living and then come home so I can blog some more? You can't tell me that's not the perfect life!
The only problem I have with this is that I'm going right back in that hole that all Battle Mountain graduates do. I swore I'd never stick around, I was going to get out of here and do great things. Well, I made it a whole 80 miles to Elko, and I'm not going to college, and I'm not making big things happen. I'm just letting life take me as it wants. What a let down I must be to everyone? But you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life minus infancy. I live in a nice home, I love my job and don't hate going to it every day, I have a loving boyfriend who will do anything to take care of me, I have amazing friends I wouldn't trade for the world. Why would I want to give this all up. I mentioned getting a second job as a waitress or something. I brought this up to my father and he asked, "What about college?"
I do want a degree. I DON'T want to go to college, but unfortunately, that's what you have to do to get a degree apparently. I responded that I didn't have to deal with that until fall, but how am I to afford being a full-time student on a part-time salary? I've been told I'm being moved to full-time, but there's no way I'd be able to be full-time if I was attending classes as a full-time student. I keep asking my dad how he'd feel if I was just a part-time student. He refuses. He says I need to be a full-time student. I brought up the issue of money. If Dad's willing to pay for my schooling, then I'll be a full-time student and only work part-time to support me for food and such. But I can't ask Dad to pay for my college ever since I dropped out of UNR. I wasted $1,008 of that poor man's money NOT counting my apartment, moving costs, gas money, food money, etc that he sent me. I feel like such a terrible person. I can care less that I dropped out, but the fact that I wasted my father's time and money is the only thing that gets to me.
Lots of people have been asking about why I dropped out. Thanks to some big mouths of Battle Mountain with completely false information, everyone thinks I did it over a boy. Boy, are you guys stupid to believe that one. The issue was, I was all set to go to University of Oregon, right? Well we get up there, and since I was accepted late, they informed me that there was NO housing left. They did have these complexes available. We set up to move in to those and were all prepared when we got the paperwork. $3,000 down payment plus the first months rent of $940. HAH! Not in this life time. Not to mention the $60,000 yearly tuition.
I sat back and decided what to do. UNR had accepted me (though I never applied there). I decided to go to UNR... LAST.... MINUTE. I called and was all prepared to go there, but UNR starts 2 weeks before UofO. I was two weeks late and expected to catch up. The track team came through and swept me up. Track consumed about 8 hours of my day with weights, practice, jumping practice, physical therapy, massage therapy, and then icing. And I had a 5 page report due in Anthropology next Thursday plus 2 assignments in math due tomorrow, an 'about me' essay in English, and a 18x24 pastel drawing of a pumpkin for art due Friday? I just got here guys, what do you expect me to do?! So yeah, I dropped out. Go on and hate me. Think what you want about me. I did what I felt was right and I don't regret it in the least.
I actually don't think that college can make you 'smarter'. Yes, it can educate you in specific fields and give you a more thorough idea of things, but you can't experience the world, the people, the things, the emotions through books and classes. That's where people learn. Of course I can go to college and learn the complex molecular structure of an atom and how I can use that to divide space and time making portals so I can experience the world at any point in time with just the flick of a wrist. I'm pretty sure with all the textbooks in the world, all the patience, and all the time, you would NEVER be able to teach me complex things such as that. Some people are just not meant for complexity such as that. There's people out there with minds that think differently and can be more acceptable of those ideas. Not that I don't accept those ideas, but if you put all the information to do so in my brain... I can guarantee I wouldn't know what to do with it. It's just what people are meant to do in life. I'm not meant for that. I'm not meant for quantum physics, I'm not meant for chemistry, I'm not meant for ingenious inventions. I'm meant to be me and express what I want how I want and I know that doesn't involve thousands of pounds of books that I have to cram in my tiny brain space. I just want to live and be me.
Now, reading through that, none of it really made sense. I may have just proved my intelligence in not going to college in that single paragraph there trying to defend that I wasn't dumb. *Le Shrug* Whateva bro! But honestly, why can't I be just as smart as the average person? I guess the average person goes to college? I don't even care anymore. I don't want to go to college. I want to be a lazy housewife, dammit!
Maybe I'll work at Walmart the rest of my life, but I love it there. Isn't that the battle with most peoples' jobs, even ones that have a job because of their four year degree? They hate their jobs. They have no motivation to wake them up each morning and go to work. I'm just happy, why must I need a degree to back me up when I'm already happy? Why am I expected to make vast amounts of money when I'm happy right where I'm at? Today, I learned how to bin items in, count the sales floor items, and I got the hang of a lot of things. I felt really good. I think I'm going to be a really good BIT Team Member. They made my job offer today and as of Friday, I'll be making $10.15 an hour. I've only been working at Walmart for 3 months (as of April 24th) and had two different managers hunt me down and offer me raises. I took the one with more pay. They both said they recognized my hard work and integrity. They wanted me in their departments! I like to think of myself as a hard worker. I realize it's only Walmart, but a jobs a job.
Why sacrifice me being happy with my job for something I might hate entirely?
I have tomorrow and the day after off. I get paid Thursday... finally. I spent my last three dollars on a tip today when Steve took me out to lunch. We're so out of food. Not the house, the house has plenty of food, but Steve and my food. Dan won't refuse us of his food though. I do most of the grocery shopping and usually cook for everyone anyways, so he doesn't mind when I dig into his reserves. Tonight, I stole some of his beef and made a huge pot of elbow pasta with meatballs and in spaghetti sauce. It was so good. Then Mike brought home a chocolate pie. So BAM! Dessert! I need to get back to baking again. I love baking treats, I just haven't had the time and/or money. Perhaps with this paycheck, I'll dig up a few recipes and try some new things. I follow a few cooking blogs on here, perhaps I'll steal something from there. I get my meals from Simply Recipes and my baking recipes from Sugar Plum Blog. Oh my gosh, I love Sugar Plum Blog. The girl that writes it is so sweet and so creative. I wish I could be more like her.
I wish I had my own place that I could make mine and be able to do these kinds of things without worrying about other people wanting to use the oven or not wanting me to use this or that. It's such a hassle. I'm so afraid to piss off Dan or do something that he doesn't really appreciate. I respect the guy so much. He reminds me much of Mr. Pacheco who is the second closest thing to a father to me besides my own father. I don't look at Dan like he's my dad, but he definitely has a respect level from me that I can't explain.
I'm currently trying to clean the kitchen, do the dishes, and finish up this laundry. I feel like a housewife... except I have a job I have to deal with. Through all my plans and thinkings, I've realized what would probably make me happiest is if I became a housewife. A high class one of course, such as the two story house, white picket fence, drive my kids to soccer practice and bake them all treats, and be a loving wife and mother. That actually sounds really nice. And I can be as lazy as I want (minus all the house chores) and blog all day. I was telling Steve the other day that if I HAD to choose a job (besides being a 3D Digital Animator), I'd be a professional blogger for some company. All day long, I'd blog at work and I'd complain about it and such, and then I'd get off work, come home, get online, and complain about my work on my blog at home. How amazing of a life would that be? To blog all day for a living and then come home so I can blog some more? You can't tell me that's not the perfect life!
The only problem I have with this is that I'm going right back in that hole that all Battle Mountain graduates do. I swore I'd never stick around, I was going to get out of here and do great things. Well, I made it a whole 80 miles to Elko, and I'm not going to college, and I'm not making big things happen. I'm just letting life take me as it wants. What a let down I must be to everyone? But you know what? I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life minus infancy. I live in a nice home, I love my job and don't hate going to it every day, I have a loving boyfriend who will do anything to take care of me, I have amazing friends I wouldn't trade for the world. Why would I want to give this all up. I mentioned getting a second job as a waitress or something. I brought this up to my father and he asked, "What about college?"
I do want a degree. I DON'T want to go to college, but unfortunately, that's what you have to do to get a degree apparently. I responded that I didn't have to deal with that until fall, but how am I to afford being a full-time student on a part-time salary? I've been told I'm being moved to full-time, but there's no way I'd be able to be full-time if I was attending classes as a full-time student. I keep asking my dad how he'd feel if I was just a part-time student. He refuses. He says I need to be a full-time student. I brought up the issue of money. If Dad's willing to pay for my schooling, then I'll be a full-time student and only work part-time to support me for food and such. But I can't ask Dad to pay for my college ever since I dropped out of UNR. I wasted $1,008 of that poor man's money NOT counting my apartment, moving costs, gas money, food money, etc that he sent me. I feel like such a terrible person. I can care less that I dropped out, but the fact that I wasted my father's time and money is the only thing that gets to me.
Lots of people have been asking about why I dropped out. Thanks to some big mouths of Battle Mountain with completely false information, everyone thinks I did it over a boy. Boy, are you guys stupid to believe that one. The issue was, I was all set to go to University of Oregon, right? Well we get up there, and since I was accepted late, they informed me that there was NO housing left. They did have these complexes available. We set up to move in to those and were all prepared when we got the paperwork. $3,000 down payment plus the first months rent of $940. HAH! Not in this life time. Not to mention the $60,000 yearly tuition.
I sat back and decided what to do. UNR had accepted me (though I never applied there). I decided to go to UNR... LAST.... MINUTE. I called and was all prepared to go there, but UNR starts 2 weeks before UofO. I was two weeks late and expected to catch up. The track team came through and swept me up. Track consumed about 8 hours of my day with weights, practice, jumping practice, physical therapy, massage therapy, and then icing. And I had a 5 page report due in Anthropology next Thursday plus 2 assignments in math due tomorrow, an 'about me' essay in English, and a 18x24 pastel drawing of a pumpkin for art due Friday? I just got here guys, what do you expect me to do?! So yeah, I dropped out. Go on and hate me. Think what you want about me. I did what I felt was right and I don't regret it in the least.
I actually don't think that college can make you 'smarter'. Yes, it can educate you in specific fields and give you a more thorough idea of things, but you can't experience the world, the people, the things, the emotions through books and classes. That's where people learn. Of course I can go to college and learn the complex molecular structure of an atom and how I can use that to divide space and time making portals so I can experience the world at any point in time with just the flick of a wrist. I'm pretty sure with all the textbooks in the world, all the patience, and all the time, you would NEVER be able to teach me complex things such as that. Some people are just not meant for complexity such as that. There's people out there with minds that think differently and can be more acceptable of those ideas. Not that I don't accept those ideas, but if you put all the information to do so in my brain... I can guarantee I wouldn't know what to do with it. It's just what people are meant to do in life. I'm not meant for that. I'm not meant for quantum physics, I'm not meant for chemistry, I'm not meant for ingenious inventions. I'm meant to be me and express what I want how I want and I know that doesn't involve thousands of pounds of books that I have to cram in my tiny brain space. I just want to live and be me.
Now, reading through that, none of it really made sense. I may have just proved my intelligence in not going to college in that single paragraph there trying to defend that I wasn't dumb. *Le Shrug* Whateva bro! But honestly, why can't I be just as smart as the average person? I guess the average person goes to college? I don't even care anymore. I don't want to go to college. I want to be a lazy housewife, dammit!
Maybe I'll work at Walmart the rest of my life, but I love it there. Isn't that the battle with most peoples' jobs, even ones that have a job because of their four year degree? They hate their jobs. They have no motivation to wake them up each morning and go to work. I'm just happy, why must I need a degree to back me up when I'm already happy? Why am I expected to make vast amounts of money when I'm happy right where I'm at? Today, I learned how to bin items in, count the sales floor items, and I got the hang of a lot of things. I felt really good. I think I'm going to be a really good BIT Team Member. They made my job offer today and as of Friday, I'll be making $10.15 an hour. I've only been working at Walmart for 3 months (as of April 24th) and had two different managers hunt me down and offer me raises. I took the one with more pay. They both said they recognized my hard work and integrity. They wanted me in their departments! I like to think of myself as a hard worker. I realize it's only Walmart, but a jobs a job.
Why sacrifice me being happy with my job for something I might hate entirely?
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